Forbidden Dedication

Chapter one: Harmoni

*TRIGGER WARNING*
Self harm.

*

I ran up my drive and slammed the front door shut. "Why!" I cried to myself. "Why is it always me that has to break!" I ran into my room, fell to the floor next to my bedside table, pulled the top draw out and desperately searched for my only real friend. I took out the blade and let it slide across my skin, shutting my eyes as I began to feel the pain. I instantly started bleeding. I did it again, and again, and again. The tears rolled down my cheeks as I began to push harder, deeper-

I was interrupted by my phone buzzing on my bedside table, my ringtone making me jump slightly; There was no doubt about who it was.

"H-hello?" I whimpered.

"Hey you, you okay?" It was my brother, Daniel.

He had moved away from England and to the US in search for a better life a few years ago. He would call every other day to make sure I was okay, despite how much it costed. He's asked me to move out there with him when I turn 18. But I don't know whether I could leave, not that I had anything over here to stay for. I've lived on my own for two years after my mother committed suicide when I was fifteen due to stress, coping with a son that was never here, a husband who left when I was 14, a daughter who was being bullied and having no money to even be able to afford food.

I like to think im doing better recently, not perfect, but better. I have a job, I'm doing well in school and I'm coping...Kind of.

"I-I'm fine..Just a bad day..."

"Awh, don't worry. There's always tomorrow to smile!" Just him saying that brought a smile to my face. "So how's that guy?" He asked, teasing. I instantly went bright red. Only he knows about the guy I like. "What was his name again? R-"

"OKAY! That's enough! I've got to get dressed for work" I lied, realising I still had fresh blood on my arm.

"Oh come on! We've hardly spoke!"

"Then call me tomorrow, but I have to go!" I told him. He agreed to let me go and promised he would call me the same time tomorrow. He told me he loved me and hung up. I smiled slightly, wiping away the old tears from my face and went into the bathroom, washing my arm and walking back into my room to get dressed. I pulled on a plain black long sleeve shirt and black leggings with black slip-ons. I pulled my hair back into a ponytail and pinned my fringe back. My eyes were still slightly red from the crying but I really did not care anymore. I picked up my phone and keys and headed downstairs. I made sure my cat had plenty of food and water before stroking him behind his ears, I always spend a few minutes sitting with him before leaving for work. It was only a two minute walk to the restaurant. I loathed where I worked, I was only employed because the owner felt sorry for me a year ago when I started working here.

I ran through the door of the restaurant, realising I was already half an hour late for the fourth time this week due to my stupid mental health problems. Bumping into another waitress, causing her to spill hot food over a gentleman at a nearby table. "I'm so sorry!" I said to the waitress and the gentleman. I rushed to try to help her clean it up but she just brushed me off, smiling at me. I hurried into the back, towards the kitchen area to get my apron when my boss approached me.

"Late again, Jones!"

"I know! And I'm sorry, it won't happen again!" I said desperately in the hope he wouldn't fire me. I was earning just enough money to get by in life.  "Whatever, just get these plates out there!" He said nodding towards two chicken salads. I walked out holding the two plates and searched for the table number.

My heart dropped when I saw who was at the table. River White. The guy I've had a crush on since we were 9! It was obvious I'd never have a chance with him, he could get any girl he wanted. Why would he pick a freak like me? "Your salad, Sir." I said, setting it down for, who I presume is his father.

"And yours, Ri- Um. I mean...Sir." I said, blushing.

"Thank you" He replied, smiling at me. I smiled back at him and felt myself starting to blush again. Walk away, Harmoni! Why are you still standing here! Move! NOW! "You're welcome." I replied quickly, he just smiled back at me.

I snapped out of it and swiftly left before I could possibly make an even worse impression! I was halfway back to the kitchen area before I heard "Erm! Excuse me!" I froze for a second while I realised it was River calling me back. "Yes sir?" I asked, approaching their table again. I looked down at the table and noticed his half empty glass of beer. "Refill please!" He said confidently. Not bothering to ask his father if he was allowed another. I assumed that's how it always was. I imagined him talking back to his father, yelling at him if he didn't get his own way. He's never really seemed to particularly enjoy his father's company. They come in here every so often for dinner, sometimes lunch on the weekend. But it's been months.
"River. No! That's your third in half an hour! You can wait until tonight!"

He turned his attention from me, widening his eyes and looking at his father. "If I want another. I will have another!" He replied in a rather calm voice. His father just let out a large sigh to show he had lost interest in his son's behaviour quite a while ago.

"Fine. Another beer, waitress" His father said to me. The last word sounding harsh and rather insulting. I rolled my eyes walking away. Just as I left I heard River speak.

"She's got a name, you know." River said to his father in a hushed tone. "Oh? And what would her name be?" I wasn't expecting to hear an answer.

"Harmoni Jones." He told his father, taking another swig of beer.

Harmoni Jones.

He knows my name?!