destiny

we meet again

First off watch this video of josh singing especially the last part from glowing eyes bc HOLY CRAP JOSH HAS A GREAT VOICE
-time hop to first day of school-
°°°°°°°
Josh POV
The last week of summer went by in a haze. It was basically just me actually starting - no - trying to eat so I dont look so sickly thin as I am, and actually getting out if bed and being active. I've just been so depressed with out tyler.
I hardly even sleep anymore, I just think of him.
Oh and I dyed my hair a bright purple color so it looks more presentable then the fading blob that wasn't even a particular color.
But today is the first day if school. And i need to try to push him pit of my head and focus.
I woke up and hopped in the shower (pls dont hop in the shower nd die my precious baby) and threw on a random shirt. It instantly clung to my damp skin. Huh. Tyler always hated that I "dont dry off properly" I laugh at the memory then instantly become saddened. Its funny  how things can make you sad and happy at the same time.
I really really miss Tyler.
Maybe he will forgive me.
No he won't you're pathetic.
But he might.
He hates you josh you messed everything up, just like you always do.
No I dont!.
Yes you do.
No no no
Yes,but its okay he probably never wanted to be your friend anyway
SHUT UP THATS NOT TRUE
°°°°°°°
Tyler POV
I woke up late due to my crappy alarm not going off on time
I jumped in the shower (doNT JUMP IN THE SHOWER EITHER) and quickly got dressed, heading to school.
When I got to my first class I am a little late but i arrived before the teacher so yay me! I see a few other kids pile into the room after me non of them catching my eye.
I scanned the room and my eyes landed on a small figure resting their head with a hood pulled over their hair and face. They were only person that isn't talking to someone.
I brushed it off until the professor walked in and started speaking
The person lifted their head and revealed a boy with bright purple hair.
It can't be him.
Can it ?
I pay attention to the names being read off of the roster and sure enough the 6th name to be called is josh dun.
Well fuck.
Josh POV
I'm the first person to arrive to class so I put my hood up and rest my head on the desk. The bell rung before the teacher came in a late professor. Wow.
I listen to the names being called
Particularly the j section
And then he's called
Tyler Joseph is in my class
Fuckfuckfuckfuck
I know I wanted to see him but this is over whelming. My throat tightens even more when the teaches says "Joseph you're sitting to far back come sit next to....... Purple hair kid"
Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck
This can't be. I hide my head in my arms when he actually listens without putting up a fight. But he hates me ????
We are to be assigned partners and my palms get sweaty
"Well since I dont know your names just pair up with the person next to you and read chapters 13 to 28 then answer the 10 questions together" some kids sighed and tried to protest. Tyler made a quiet "ughhh" sound before loudly signing and tapping my shoulder
"Hey were partners wake the fuck up"
My eyes start to water
Why are you crying you big baby
He hates me
I told you so
I hold back the tears and keep them from falling. i sit up and take in a deep breath.
" w-we dont have to like read it together um i mm i-i mean like you can trade with someone if you want" I say with a shaky voice
"Nah its o-- I mean I dont want to get in trouble for switching now let's read it so we can get it done"
Tyler POV
Josh looks like he's going to cry
Was that to mean? I dont really care tbh
He fucking lied to me and hurt me so why cant I hurt him?
"w-we dont have to like read it together um i mm i-i mean like you can trade with someone if you want" he says in a small shaky voice "Nah its o-- I mean I dont want to get in trouble for switching now let's read it so we can get it done"
I almost said its okay ??? Wtf its not okay
I don't want him to think I want to work with him, because i do not.
°°°°°°°
Skip to lunch
Josh POV
I sit alone at lunch in the corner. I scan the room for tyler I miss seeing him in person, pictures aren't the same. I dont like speaking to him it is far too awkward and you can tell he resents me by his forced he is being.
When I finally spot him I see he sits with a group of guys and a blond girl. hes laughing a lot I've always loved his laugh, and smile, and everything about him really, I sigh loudly I haven't ate anything and i am not planning to. When I look up at tyler I see him staring at me when he notices me looking at him he quickly looks away and the blond girl grabs his face and kisses him on the lips before walking out of the cafeteria.
My jaw drops and I run to the bathroom and start bawling my eyes out.
I knew he was straight.
I know he doesn't like me.
And I know he hates me as of now,
But that still hurts.
He has no clue that I even like him
And that's why its far too real, because he's not trying to hurt me he's just living his life, happily, without me.
He doesn't need me
But I need him
I will never have him
I skip the rest of class and just go home and cry
***************************
⚠ TRIGGER WARNING ⚠
***************************
I cry for about 2 hours before I feel as though i am out of tears
If I can cry from my eyes, to get out all of the pain, then why not cry from my body and release everything that's hurting me and in the process getting rid of the itching underneath my skin that burns for the touch of a razor to my skin.?
I hold the razor in my hand and press it firmly onto my thigh and slash it across over and over and over again until it is unrecognizable. The crimson blood drips off my leg and spills in the tub mixing with the water in a beautiful and tragic work of art.
You're not good enough for him a nd you never will be
I know I know I know
He is not even gay you fucking pansy
*******************************
END OF TRIGGER WARNING
******************************
that was 1202 words fight me irl