destiny

reach out and touch

Tyler POV
The rest of the day was spent playing countless hours if Mario cart and watching Disney movies.
I'm growing very strong feeling towards josh. I dont know how he feels though.
Now I'm laying on josh's lap and I keep glancing at him. The light of the TV illuminates his face.
He has a goofy grin on his face and he's looking at me
He isn't even watching the movie.
He's watching me.
I turn my focus on the movie although I can still feel him looking at me.
I smile. Maybe he did mean it after all?
About 15 minutes later I hear soft snores from the boy underneath me. I decide to get off of him.
I should go home.
And maybe think about things.
I write a note:
Josh, I went home at around 11 pm last night. You fell asleep. I need some time to think, but while I'm not here could you answer me a question?
Did you mean to kiss me?
      love, Tyler Joseph
I don't know why I decide to write my last name I mean he knows who I am.
Josh POV
When I wake up tyler is gone, which is strange he's normally  always here.
I searched the house for him before finding the note on my clock that read
"Josh, I went home at around 11 pm last night. You fell asleep. I need some time to think, but while I'm not here could you answer me a question?
Did you mean to kiss me?
- love Tyler Joseph"
If course I meant it.
Why would it matter to him anyway??
I mean unless he's gonna be like "ewe wtf you faggot were not friends anymore" other than that i dont see why he would want to know.
I text tyler

Jishwa: maybe

Ty : oh okay ig

Jishwa: Come over?

Ty : ofc

Approx 5 minutes later there is a knock at my door and in comes Tyler
"So was that a 'ofc not leave me alone' type of naybe  or a 'maaaaayyybeee most definitely but maymaaayyyybe' type of maybe?"
"You want an answer?"
"....yeah?"
"Here's your answer"
I am nervous but I pull his face up to mine and push our lips together.
He kisses back, thank god.
I gently push him against the wall as I deepen the kiss, my tongue begging for entrance. He parts his lips and my tongue explores the inside if his mouth.
I could get used to this
I pull us apart, its confession time I guess
"Can I tell you something" I ask
"Of course"
"I've.. Um I'm I've uh I've l-likedyouforfiveyearsandivealwayswantedtodothat"
"Hhm?"
This time I say it slower
"I've liked you for five years and I've always wanted to do that"
"Oh"
' Oh ' is all he says
Tyler POV
He's liked me since middle school?
I've always kinda figured josh is gay, I mean he never showed interest in girls when I would talk about whos cute and whos blahhh.
He would give me advise on girls but he'd sigh and look bored and just uninterested I guess.
But I can't form words
I still dont know if I like josh yet.
I mean I want to like him. I want to like him so bad but I don't know.
"I-ill be back" I say before swiftly leaving the room and rushing outside.
I run down the street, going no where.
I need to clear my mind, I'm so overwhelmed.
I dont know when but I start to cry
Tears are flowing freely dripping off my chin, staining my shirt.
Why are you crying, he should be crying. He told you that and you walked away from him. How do you think he feels?
I am so selfish. But I dont know what to do.
We can't date now
I'll just tell him that I dont want to rush in to anything because I am still unsure of my sexuality
Plus I just broke up with Jenna a month ago.
The tears stop rolling and now I'm just sitting on a curb down the road  thinking.
I can't just show up back at his house after that.
My phone is there, and josh is there.
All I want us to hug him to death but I just basically rejected him.
I decide to walk to my house and maybe take a nap. I'm overly exhausted.
Josh POV
Tyler left me here without a warning.
You shouldn't have said that.
Yeah I know.
You fucked it up again.
No no no. He left his phone here, a-and he said he's coming back.
Its been 3 hours. He's not coming back.
He is. His mom prolly wanted to keep him home. He's been over her every night this week.
His mom doesn't care what he does and you know it.
Shutupshutupshutup

I walk over to my closet and pull out one of Tyler's hoodies.
As I pull it over my head my nostrils are hit with the smell of him.
He's coming back.
He has to.
I lay face down on my bed and fall asleep.
°°°
A loud banging on my door pulls me from my sleep.
Tyler.
I open the door to be met face to face with my mom.
What is she doing here.
"Hey mom?"
She turn towards me and I notice the tears rolling down her cheeks.
Dont get me wrong, I hate my mother. She basically abandoned me. I've been living alone for 6 years.
6 years ago she started doing drugs with her boyfriend. She still paid the bills, but I was on my own for food and that was scarce. She is the reason Im manic depressive, well the main cause. She helped out with the increase of my anorexia by neglecting me and not even having food in the house.
When she was home she was sleeping or high asf
I hate my mom
"What happened to you" I say gravely
"Nothing, I just wanted to know if you're home."
"Why are you here?"
"Its my house"
"Sorry, I didn't realize. I mean you haven't been here at all in the past hmm 2 months? Let me guess, he dropped you and you were forced to come back here until you get a new boyfriend who will feed your addictions?"
"Dont you dare talk to me like that. I am your mother."
"No. You're not my mother. You're the woman who gave birth to me on mistake, not my mother. Simply a birth giver"
She opens her mouth to speak but ends up walking away.
I glance at the clock 6:28 pm still no tyler.
I sigh and pick up his phone.
There's a password. But of course I know it, I'm his best friend. Well it think i am.
I sigh and type in 4 5 2 5
I whisper "hey tyler got any games? (:'‚ "
Ugh why did I even want to get on his phone.
There's nothing for me here.
I lock his phone and throw it on the bed.
And then I start to cry.
Its been 3 1/2 hours
I lock myself into he bathroom and take out my handy little blade
***********************
Trigger warning
***********************
I press the cold metal to my upper thigh pushing it deep in my skin before slashing at it and tearing into my flesh.
I slice the same spot repeatedly until it was a gaping hole in my leg
Blood poured from everywhere.
It won't stop.
Its so deep.
I start to freak out after a few minutes of trying to soak up the blood.
I wrap a towel around my leg and try to calm down.
Deep breaths.
I start to feel light headed.
Pressure is key
I tighten the towel and push hard in it.
Breath in, breath out.
I want tyler.
Tyler doesn't even know about the cuts oh god.
I unravel the towel and find a gauze pad
I place the pad on the wound.
Band aid.
Medical tape.
Wrap the gauze around leg.
Okay. Its good for now. For now.
***********************
End of trigger warning
***********************

Another knock as I pull on my jeans.
Mom again? Ugh
I walk into the hallway and look in my moms room. she's gone.
I rush to the front door.
Tyler greets me as I pull open the old chunk of wood that I call a door.
He pulls me in a large hug and whispers in my ear "hey sorry I fell asleep"
So he didn't mean to leave me for so long.
"I just had to think, its selfish I know. I shouldn't have left like that but its better that I did bc i had a panic attack but its okay. I'm okay. You're okay. We're okay."
"Mmhm"
"Its just I'm not clear on my sexuality and I dont want to rush things bc I don't want to ruin us and I just ended the whole Jenna thing and I-im sorry"
He was think about dating me?
"Hey Ty its okay, not like I'm asking you out or anything."
He hugs me again
"Disney movies and taco bell?"
"Is that even a question"
°°°°°°°
Did you think it would be that easy to get into this joshler stuff :3