50 Things I've kept a secret- Frerard

So long and goodnight

A/N Trigger warning: this chapter talks about suicide, so you've been advised in case you don't want to read it, or if you're suicidal. 
Our first week with her was rough. We didn't have anything that she needed and we had to go and buy everything. However, I can't say I haven't been enjoying my time spent with her, she's my daughter.

"Alice!" I heard Gerard yell a little bit. "I sorry." She said quickly. "It's okay honey I didn't mean to yell." I smiled and walked into the kitchen to see a broken plate. I picked Alice up and carried her out of the kitchen. "What happened?" I asked Gerard.

"She wanted to be a big girl and carry me the sandwich plate and I tried to tell her no, but she didn't listen. I'm sorry I yelled at her." I looked at him. "Gerard stop. You don't have to apologize for disciplining her, she's yours too. Do you understand?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry." I laughed a little. "Stop apologizing Gee. You didn't do anything."

"Oh so-" I laughed and hugged him tightly. "You know Frankie, I think that she would like the old house better. I wish we still lived there." I sighed.

"Let's not talk about that house, okay?"

"Why Frankie?" He asked. "Because I don't want to talk about it."

"Is it another secret? I thought we got to the end already?" I shook my head. "No baby, not yet."

He groaned. "Tell me."

"I tried to kill myself in that house, so after I didn't die I burned it down."

-3 years ago-

I can't take it anymore. I cheated on him I've done so many awful things and I can't take it anymore! He can't ever find out and I can't keep doing bad things. I grabbed a sheet of paper and quickly wrote down my last letter.

Dear Gerard,

Always remember that I did love you. I love you so much, but I've got to say goodbye. You don't understand, but there is so much I kept from you. I'm not a good person and I can't tell you any of this, so instead, I'm saying, "Goodbye." You were always the person I needed, I got into some drugs and a lot of things I shouldn't have been into, but you kept me alive as long as I was. You're perfect and you're going to find someone who actually loves you. 777-344-2134, call this number and ask for Larissa. Tell her I've died, don't tell her why, because she has my daughter. Tell my daughter I love her and when she gets older if Larissa wants her to have this note, okay. It's her choice I suppose. Just make sure Alice knows that I love her. And Gerard I love you. I will never love anyone more than you. This is not your fault, it's mine. I've done you wrong and I can't live with myself. So long and goodnight.

I set the note down on the table and grabbed the pills. I quickly swallowed them and waited.

I waited for hours and hours for any kind of effect and let me tell you I was starting to regret being a drug addict. I couldn't die from some stupid pills. I'll die, I won't give up, I will die! I grab some lighters and some gas from the garage and set fire to the house and ran inside.

When I opened my eyes I hoped I was dead, but in fact I wasn't. I was at the hospital, I had lived through my attempts to die and I had ruined the house Gerard loved. I didn't have the longing to kill myself anymore when I saw the puffy eyes of the one person I love. I hoped that note had been burned in the fire, or at least hoped Gerard never saw it.

"Frankie! You're okay!" He wrapped his arms around me. "I thought you were dead! I couldn't live without you." I never wanted to kill myself again. I couldn't leave him.

-Present-

"F-Frank?" He choked back tears. "Y-you tried to kill yourself?" I nodded. "Yes Gerard. I did." He shook his head. "No! Please don't leave me."

"I was going to tell you the same thing." I whispered.
He smiled. "I promise Frankie, I'm not going to leave you. You couldn't have done anything that bad." If only he knew.

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1.I hate when you make spaghetti
2.I actually don't go to the gym
3.I love to smoke pot.
4.My mom isn't my mom.
5.Rover's not our dog.
6.We first started dating as a dare
7. I stole your ring
8. I almost died
9.Every Thursday night I go to clown college
10.I dream of being in a band
11.I stole two guitars from the music store
12.I don't work.
13.I steal our money
14.I pretend to be homeless
15.I am bipolar
16. I get in a lot of fights
17. I went to jail for two weeks
18.I hitch-hiked to Michigan
19. I cheated on you
20. I have a daughter
21. I see her twice a week
22. I tried to kill myself
23. I burned down our old house