When I Eat, I Hate Myself A Little More

Chapter 5

Longer chapter for this one :D Enjoyyy

CHAPTER 5

 

But now I'm on the verge

of self destruction

How could this happen to me?

I've never been the type to

run from anything,

run from anything

 

It was 2pm now and school just ended. Blasting Memphis May Fire is always one of the best things to do while walking back home from school. 

hah.

school.

There were no words to describe how bad this day had gotten. I don't know what happened during the holidays but Annabelle just didn't seem to like me as much anymore.

During lunch, she would always be with me even if I didn't want to eat. She wouldn't even question on why I didn't want to. Maybe she actually didn't even care about me at all. That's why she didn't bother to ask me to eat or have me take care of myself. I guess it all makes so much more sense now.

In the end for today, I felt kind of happy that I did not have to stay in a food filled area to make me feel like binging once again. But this feeling of emptiness haunted me.

Yes I feel alone everyday, no doubt about that. But the fact that I lost my best friend really just made my world stop revolving.

I wanted to stop thinking about this so I just continued my walk back home. For the last 3 months I've decided to walk back home instead of taking my regular bus rides.

It may be long and especially tiring sometimes but the fact that I would be able to burn some calories made it better. And on days when I binge, I'll be able to walk back with a lesser feeling of guilt.  Isn't that what they say anyways? That walking is the best exercise?

I pushed every single one of the remaining thoughts about Annabelle away and focused on losing those disgusting pounds by brisk walking.

Why should I bother to be sad over her if she would just throw me aside just like that?

She is a bitch.

I would never care about her anymore. I don't care if she didn't mean it because it hurt me really badly. And I've been hurt enough.

I suddenly stopped walking and processed what I had just said to myself.

How could I say that about Annabelle? Yes she may have hurt me but she actually was my best friend. She was always there for me whenever I needed help without fail. So what if she was closer to another person? What if actually she still cares about me deeply but she just doesn't show it as much. Was I over thinking all over again?

What is wrong with me?

I've never really noticed it but I've become a changed person ever since Ana came into my life. Sometimes I'd be normal but sometimes I could change to become this evil person that wants to hate on everyone.