When I Eat, I Hate Myself A Little More

Chapter 9

Not happy with the reads but I'll continue for that small amount of people reaing this lol. Anyways I definitely know where this is going but I'm kind of having a writer's block so ughh :c But enjoy this chapter yayy

CHAPTER 9

The whole day passed in the blink of an eye. I couldn't help but keep thinking about our conversation earlier. He even said 'See you later' . Gosh what is wrong with me.

But why would he like me?

I am fat, worthless, stupid, disgusting, weird and basically everything bad. He probably wants to use me and push me aside, making me think I actually have a friend.

That's when it hit me.

He was pitying me when he saw me alone. He pitied my lonely self.

I hate pity.

I increased my pace in the direction of that same park. I have been thinking bad about people every time even if they have good intentions. I just can't help but feel that people hate me and that they just want me gone from this world.

And it really sucks to feel this way.

I realized that there were nobody at the park. Probably they're too busy having the time of their lives with their friends instead of going to this dead park.

Sitting on the swing, I swung back and forth slowly, thinking about Lance. Maybe he actually was a good guy, I don't even know but I have to be on my guard. I couldn't risk anymore pain.

I looked down to my exposed thighs from my school skirt and glided my fingers along the 2 day old scars. All I could think of was the pain.

"Stop gliding over your disgustingly fat thighs."

I immediately stopped and noticed actually how chunky it actually was. I didn't look at the mirror in the morning today so when I had a close look, it just made me want to slash on my thigh. Wishing every cut will also cut out a small amount of fat.

I pulled my skirt down longer to cover up the scars and I was about to have a breakdown again when I looked at the benches in the park.

The one where Lance and his friends were sitting on.

A smile tried to creep onto my face and I let it. I have to admit I really couldn't help thinking about Lance.

Mr. Harrison.

After staying in the park for at least an hour doing nothing but spaceless staring and memory thinking, I brought myself on my feet. My feet suddenly felt like they became jello and I fell on my hands.

I sighed uncontrollably and tried to prop myself up slowly and hesitantly, not wanting to have any dizzy spells from the lack of food
again today.

During lunch time I would always disappear and go to the library now. Since I was alone and Annabelle didn't care about me now. Funny how I am still thinking about her when she could have actually forgotten about me already.

I grabbed my backpack and intended to leave when I realized how peaceful and calm it actually was here.

Birds' soft chirping, the crickets from the night and distant footsteps of children running around.

I sat back down on the ground and pulled out my video camera. Putting it in front of me, I switched the record button on.

"Just listen to this."

I sat there with my eyes closed in silence as I left the overwhelming peaceful atmosphere engulf me. After a few seconds I slowly lifted my eyelids and looked at the camera smiling.