When I Eat, I Hate Myself A Little More

Chapter 17

CHAPTER 17

Vigorously typing on my computer and blasting Suicide Silence's music, I tried to get my mind off of what happened earlier on. What was with that oddly familiar dream? Why was I in another form of myself? Questions were just flooding through my mind like strong gusts of wind.

It all happened so suddenly. After I said those words-- "You're a fat whore Lindsey." I abruptly woke up from my slumber to find a sleeping Nicole. I frantically got out of the bed but quietly and headed straight out of her room. My body felt weak but I pushed further to get my legs moving, that's when I found Lance sprawled on the couch, switching the channels on the television every second.

Lance looked up at me and immediately brightened up.

"Hey you're awake. Do you want to go stud--"

"Um I''m really sorry Lance but something cropped up at home I got to be back now."

Yeah I know I was being the meanest person in the world just now when I just dropped him off like that but my mind was just preoccupied with that dream and the urge to get out of the house was so strong I needed time to myself.

I still could remember his disappointed face but he quickly covered it up with a smile.

"It's okay, I'll see you soon then.", was what he said.

I released a breath I didn't even realize I was keeping and continued on to my blog. I just created it as a diary so I could have like daily entries of my day. But most importantly, so that other people suffering the same fate as me would be able to know that I understand what they are going through and hopefully, my posts would be able to help them get through each day. That's my main goal.

Aside from that, I just needed some place to release and get my mind off of everything. The daily vlogging thing didn't work for me so I guess this is my only option left.

I hovered my fingers over the keyboard, thinking about what I should write.

Nothing.

I hit the keyboard hard knocked my head on it for about say 7 times and left it there.

"Ugh what should I write about."

I kind of got inspired by a few bloggers that talk about eating disorders and stuff like that, another plus point is that I love writing so why not?

Even if I wanted to write my own novel I would take years to finish it. Nobody would read it anyways.

I gave up thinking and scrolled through the bloggers' posts and I have to admit I was jealous. I didn't have their creativity. But then who needs creativity when writing about ED awareness anyways? My mind is just racing.

Write this?

Write that?

Or just write nothing.

I was on the verge of giving up and when I was just about to switch off the computer, something hit me.

I brought my face up, swept off my hair sticking onto my face and placed my fingers on the keyboard.

Introduction. That's the most important thing of a first post right? I trusted my instincts and thought of the perfect sentence to start.

Ok wow this is weird. Hey, whoever is reading this. This is apparently my first blog post on this website and I'm not really sure on what to write but I guess I'll start on this.

'Wow Lindsey what a perfect sentence.'

I grunted and shrugged while continued to type. Slowly now.