When I Eat, I Hate Myself A Little More

Chapter 14

Guys I'm sorry if I take really long to update this story. I've been gaining really little reads and it's kinda sad that sometimes each day I only get 3 reads or even 1 a day. It's not very uplifting lol. This chapter is shorter than the others but I've been getting writers block ugh.

CHAPTER 14

Waking up, I could smell the fresh smell of bacon and eggs. It was so pungent that even if I haven't even seen it, the urge to purge is already right there. But as usual, the usual pang of guilt about Annabelle rode all over me.

I slowly walked towards the bathroom to have a quick shower and when I came out, I wiped myself dry, threw my towel on my bed and closed my eyes shut. I hastily pulled the drawer and removed my scale, placing it on the floor.

''Lindsey hurry up! I'm hungry as hell and I definitely could eat the whole plate of eggs right now''

Damn it. Why does my sister have to be like that. She can eat everything yet she can be so skinny.

''Yeah I'm coming down soon!''

I shouted as I looked down at the scale again. I muttered a 'screw this' and I hastily stepped onto the scale, eliciting a squeak from the machine.

I took in deep breaths as I could feel my heart rate increasing. I've been having only one meal a day and sometimes even nothing for the past year. The last time I'd weighed myself was actually 2 months ago, when.. she was still alive.

Once I looked down I was oddly surprised. Not really because I've been starving myself more than ever but my weight was 92 pounds.

I smiled slightly and hopped off of the scale, stuffing myself into my home clothes which felt oddly bigger than before.

I've stopped making videos ever since that incident happened. I just felt like it had no meaning anymore, so my video camera is just left in my drawer waiting for itself to clear out.

''If u don't come down soon-''

''Yeah okay I'm coming down!''

I rolled my eyes as I shouted and unlocked my bedroom door. As I was about to step out of my room, my eyes grew wide. I quickly turned back and grabbed my scale, throwing and shoving it into my drawer to remain hidden.

My heart was beating so fast. I couldn't explain why I didn't want anyone knowing of me buying a scale but I could just feel all of their eyes staring and judging me after finding out.

''Of course you'd want a scale, for you to lose weight!''

''You're too fat!''

''Yeah you should check your weight and become skinnier.''

''You finally want to lose weight!''

''NO!'' I hoarsely whispered as I grabbed my hair, pushing my head side to side trying to remove the thoughts Ana filled in my head and accidentally yanked out a small bunch at the side.

I muttered a 'damn it' and threw them into the trash, trying to cover up the barely noticeable gap. I double checked my sleeves and shorts to make sure they were covering all my scars and cuts before walking down the stairs, towards hell.

Once I reached downstairs, the first thing I saw was Tara stuffing her mouth with freshly grilled bacon with 2 eggs on her plate. I gulped unintentionally as I walked to my seat.

''Sorry I started first, too hungry and god these bacons are so good.''

I just faintly smiled at her as I looked around the kitchen finding it empty. my parents must've gone out after cooking breakfast. I looked down at my own plate and my heart raced once again.

Mine was so much more worse than Tara's. I had two bacons and at least 3 eggs scrambled. I couldn't eat that, there was too much. But yeah maybe I could eat a bit since I lost so much so I guess it's a cheat day for me.

Tara knew about what had happened to Annabelle but she was basically kind enough to not talk about it. She knew it would hurt me greatly if she were even to mention just her name. I appreciate that.

"Are you really sure you want those bacon and eggs? So what if you've lost a lot? You're gonna become fat again if you eat."

I looked away at the plate and grabbed my cup of water, gulping it all down in one shot.

''Calm down hot shot.''

I turned to see Tara laughing at me with an empty plate. EMPTY plate. I could've sworn she had two eggs 5 minutes ago.

I really couldn't eat these. I had to meet Lance later to study at his house so I definitely couldn't eat this. I would look fat and then he wouldn't like me as a friend anymore. I don't want to look fat to him.' I thought to myself.

"But you already are."

I but my lip in return of Ana's reply.

I looked at Tara once again and her plate.

''Uh you still hungry? I don't think I could finish all this. Why not you grab the two bacons and a quarter of my eggs?''

She looked at me like I just flashed a diamond ring in front of her and she smiled, hastily nodded and grabbed the bacon and eggs onto her plate.

''Thanks but you're not appreciating the bacon though.''

She said as she starting vigorously chewing on the slice of bacon, making it seem like she had been starving for a whole year.

Ironic.

I smirked at her and said

''Bacon is all yours.''

She shrugged and continued digging into her food. All I could think of was how the hell she could actually eat so much but yet maintain her body. Yeah she doesn't work out too.

I looked at the eggs and muttered 'cheat day' and stuffed the eggs into my mouth. It had been like really long since I've had good scrambled eggs. And yes I enjoyed them but sadly after clearing the dishes and going to my room, the guilt of the calories came again.

It took me so much to not yank out my scale to weigh myself again. I knew I would die if I see the number. That's why I didn't do it.

I opened up my phone and texted Lance.

'Hey I'll probably be ready in 10 minutes so I'll meet you at the normal place? The park'

I smiled as I sent the text. The park. That was when I first met him, technically we made eye contact but. hey at least that works doesn't it?

Thanks for reading whoop whoop  

xx