Welcome to Hogwarts(Boyxboy)

Chapter 27

Flint couldn't believe what was happening, what was finally happening. He was about to kiss Kurt again, about to taste his soft lips and glorious touch after months of yearning for it. His nose touched against Kurt and he closed his eyes.

But then Kurt turned away at the last second and Flint's lips brushed against his cheek and his own hand still holding Kurt's face.

Flint pulled back and looked at him in shock.

"Flint," Kurt said softly, looking confused and hurt and apologetic. "I'm sorry, Flint, but I can't. I don't see you like that. I'm so sorry, Flint, I know you still love me but...I love Blaine."

"But, Kurt, he cheated on you," Flint said insistently, suddenly feeling as though he was losing Kurt all over again.        

"Maybe so," Kurt said, his eyes empty and duller than Flint had ever seen them, as though somehow some of the brilliant blue had been drained away. "But that doesn't change the fact that I love him. I can't forgive him for what he did. But I love him and I can't just push that aside to be with you. I'm sorry, Flint."

He lifted his hands to pull Flint's hands away from his face, kissing them gently before letting them fall limply at Flint's sides and walking off into the pouring rain as lightning flashed across the sky and thunder cracked overhead a split second later.

Flint stared after him.

Kurt didn't want him. After everything he'd done, after all his plans and the time he'd spent getting close to Kurt again, being his friend and loving him and waiting while he watched Kurt fall all over Anderson...Kurt still didn't want him.

He felt worthless. Pointless and unnecessary, like he wasn't meant to be loved or wanted or cared for. Why didn't he deserve what every other one of his friend's had? Dan had always had his pick of the girls at Hogwarts, taking their intimacy and then tossing them aside and never really caring or loving. And here was Flint, throwing his heart out for the one boy he had thought could finally show him that he was worthy of being kissed and touched and loved, and Kurt didn't want it.

His feet were carrying him down the corridor to the tower before he even realized that he'd moved from the pelting rain. There was a trail of water and muddy footprints behind him, but he didn't care.

He felt numb.

He felt dead.

He felt...he didn't feel at all.

There wasn't anything else left for him to feel. Like he'd been through every emotion a person could be through in a lifetime, and now that there was nothing left to be felt, there just wasn't any point in living anymore.

His body was shaking but he wasn't crying or cold...it was as though his skin was afraid of what he was going to do to it.

He croaked out the password to the Fat Lady and stumbled across the common room, ignoring the people who called out to him, who asked him what was wrong or why he was soaking wet.

His feet slipped on the spiral staircase, his legs didn't seem to want to work properly, as though they knew they didn't have many steps left in them.

Bravery. It was supposed to be the defining characteristic of a Gryffindor. But he couldn't be brave anymore, he thought as he slumped down on the familiar four-poster bed he'd slept in for nearly six years. He was tired of being brave, of trying to put up the front that he didn't care what people thought about his sexuality when he was actually petrified of being shunned, pushed aside for it and never knowing what it was like to be loved.

And Kurt rejecting him...that was a thousand times worse than any insult that anyone could throw at him, like a confirmation that he wasn't worthy of love... that he didn't deserve Kurt or anyone else.