Call Me Daddy 4

3

January 10
3:20 a.m
*Emily*

Here I am, lying awake in bed as Jason sits beside of me sleeping. I can't just let him throw the divorce away. I defiantly don't want him to leave me but...it's what he needs?

I can't sleep. I can't trap him, that's just going to make me feel even worse. How do I convince him that this isn't what he wants?

A divorce is not what he wants but it's what he needs.

Wiping the years that I didn't even know where there, I slip out if bed quirky and walk towards the bathroom. I can't stand to be around him without feeling guilty.

I don't get how it's possible to cause your family so much pain. Where did I go wrong? Does losing Jason really have that much of and effect on me?

What would I do without him?

See, there I go! I can't have him. I can't. He needs to be happy; he deserves to be happy. I'm not giving him that.

The kids can but I can't.

All of the sudden, the bathroom light turns on and Jason stands in the bathroom while rubbing his eyes, "baby what's wrong?"

"You can't call off the divorce Jason," I sob and stand up in front of him, "I don't make you happy."

"Baby yes you do."

"But I wasn't."

"But you can," he smiles lightly and pulls me into him, "come back to bed."

"Okay," I whisper and kiss his chest where my head lies.

I'm always going to feel guilty; no matter what he says.

--
10:15 a.m

"Mommy and daddy are going to go out for breakfast, okay?" The boys nod and go back to playing with Audrey in her car seat beside of them just kicking her feet.

"We'll be back soon, mom," Jason speaks towards Pattie.

"Okay..." She sighs and eyes our hands. She doesn't like me anymore. She shouldn't; I broke her son.

When we arrive at our down town breakfast house, we sit across from each other in a booth.

When we're done ordering, I look at him and sigh, "why didn't you tell me about the gang?"

"I didn't tell you because I knew you'd be mad."

"But you can get out of it, Jason. If not for me than for the kids."

"They'll come after everyone. The kids and you especially. I won't let that happen."

"How can they come after us if you're the leader?" I question confused.

"There are people in other states that run it all over. His name is Josh - he'll find me."

"We can move. We can bring your mom with us and move," I suggest and grab his hand over the table.

"It's not that easy, Emily."

"But it's worth a try," I give his hands a reassuring squeeze.

"It's not worth risking you and the kids' lives," he wipes his eyes before his tears fall.

"I'll help. I can help," I try to encourage him.

"No Emily. I'm not putting you in that kind of danger - I can't and I won't."

I sigh and drop the conversation when our food is brought to us.

He can't continue to live this life. I need to help him just like he did me. When does he have time to run a gang? He's always at home, he's never on his phone...but he always goes out with Ryan.