Call Me Daddy 4

8

January 17
3:41 a.m
*Bella*

"Now get the fuck out of our sights," Damien shoves Jason back as I put all of the kids in my car, since Jason's is burnt to death.

"You think you won, Damien?! Fucking think again! You fuck with my family, you fuck with me!" Jason just backs away, not wanting to start anything.

"Okay, tough guy," Damien scoffs with a light laugh. He backs away and walks back into the old broken down building.

"Can we please get out of here?" I wipe under my nose and sniff. I can't seem to stop crying. I just can't seem to figure out how we're going to get through something like this.

"Yeah," Jason rubs his hand up and down my arm and we pile into the car. I look back at my kids and make sure that they are safe. We could have lost all of our kids tonight.

I look out the window and put my hand over my mouth to keep my sobs from coming out. Everyone in the car knew I was crying, it's the only thing you could hear but nobody said anything.

"Baby," Jason grabbed my hand and interlocked our fingers when I let out a loud sob and sniff afterwards, "it's okay. I'm going to make this all better."

"They could've all died," I'm full on sobbing now and nothing could stop me.

"But they didn't," he stops at a red light and his eyes fall on the side of my head.

"But they could have," I mutter and watch as we drive past fields, buildings and houses.

"I know..." He whispers.

--
January 18
8:04 a.m

I sit on the toilet, in the same position I was in at three this morning. What am I supposed to make from all of this? I was put in the position to save my daughters life and Jason was put in the position to save our sons lives.

How are we even going to get past this? Jason has been trying so, so, so, so hard but...I'll never forget. Or forgive. From the little time I spent with Damien when Jason was away, I know how he works. He's not going to stop.

We need to move.

We need to move and it needs to be far away. To the other side of the country, preferably.

But what does Jason want? Through all of my mistakes, I have learned that it's not always about what I want. Marriage works both ways and the way I was treating Jason and making everything about myself was tearing us apart. I promised myself it would never be like that.

But now giving up seems like the only option and feeling self pity feels like the only option. I will never be able to recover from this.

I stand up and open the mirror cabinet. I look through all of Jason's prescribed medicines to find my anti depresents.

I take one, and sit back down on the toilet. I bring my right knee up and hug it against my chest. I rest my chin on my knee and sigh. What will I do? What can I do?

The bathroom door creaks open and Kyler comes walking in.

"What are you doing bubby?" I question and watch him fiddle with his shirt. His eye are squinted from the light and how bright it is.

"I...can't sleep," he sighs and sits down on the ledge of the bath tub.

"I can't either," I sigh and close my eyes as I continue to rest my chin on my knee.

I stand up and grab his hand, "I'll lay with you."

We cuddle up in his bed and give each other a special warmth that no one can give. It's our special bond.