It's love

Part 8

Natasha's POV

What the hell am I doing? I'm acting like an idiot. And with everything that's going on.. If he knew everything from my past, I know he wouldn't stay with me. I just.. I can't keep flirting with him, he'll just get hurt one way or the other. But being with him, I want nothing more than his arms around me. His lips against mine. Just being close to him. It's selfish. He deserves better. I'm not good for him. I'm not good enough. He can't trust me.
Still, he's standing so close to me. I feel his breath at my face and the chemistry between us. We're standing close, too close. I don't want to hurt him.

Steve's POV

Natasha took a step back, looking away from my eyes. I got confused. Maybe I shouldn't have kissed her. But I couldn't resist, she's so beautiful.
"I don't think this is a good idea." She said. Her voice was as cold and steady as if she was talking to one of her victims.
"Natasha, I'm sorry I didn't.."
"Didn't what? Mean to do that?" Her voice was cold and I didn't understand. She'd been great lately. Warm, sweet and well, kind of happy. I thought I was getting closer to her, learning more about her. I know the kiss wasn't the greatest idea but I, stupidly, thought she might share my feelings. I like her, a lot. I would be lying if I said something else.
She left the room. Passing me by like I was a furniture, pretending I wasn't there. It hurt. I'm such an idiot for thinking she might feel the same. I'm such a fool.
"Natasha, wait!" I shouted after her.

Natasha's POV

I don't know how I succeed. I didn't want to hurt him. But that look on his face proves that I did anyway. But if I stay with him, I could hurt him a lot more in the future. Honestly, I'm an assassin, murderer, a monster. I'm the black widow. I seduce and kill. That's who I am and what I've always been. I like Steve. I've never liked anyone this much. I've never wanted not to hurt anyone this much.
I heard Steve's footsteps behind me. He had soon caught up with me. He grabbed me by the arm and I turned to face his eyes.
"Nat, what are you doing? I'm sorry for the kiss but can you stop being so distant?" He said. His eyes showed that he was confused and wondering.
"What I'm doing.. Well, I'm trying to figure out why Fury want us dead. I think that's kind of an issue right now." I answered, trying to keep my voice steady. The mention of Nick got to me and thoughts kept coming back. I had really trusted him, like a brother. No, like a father. It just can't be right. I don't remember much about my real father. And the things I remember is nothing I want to remember. Mostly hits against my face and the way he tried to calm me down when I was sitting in the corner of the room, crying. His hard, big hands squeezing my arms so hard I got bruises the day after. It felt like a rock falling on my stomach and another one finding it's way down my trout. I was close to crying. I didn't show it though.
"I know that these thing about Fury is.. hard. And I'm trying to figure out something but I got nothing. I have no idea why this happen but I'm gonna find out. We are going to fix it." He said. More sure than usual.
I looked into his eyes for a few more seconds before I nodded and walked away, leaving him in the corridor. Thoughts were flushing throe my head. Memories, so many memories. I missed the part of my life were I didn't feel. When I could go into a mission and just work. No, I didn't miss it. I couldn't. It would mean that I hadn't changed. I felt the tears building up in my eyes. I went in to my bedroom, hoping Steve wouldn't find me like this, and took a towel. I then went to the bathroom and started stripping of my ballet clothes. I took a long shower, trying to warm up my frozen body. I tried to keep the thought from my head and the tears from my eyes. I kept it all in, pushing it away.
When I felt warm enough, I went out of the shower. I put the towel around my body and went into the bedroom again. I felt tired and I didn't really see a reason for staying awake. I put on some underwear and saw that one of Steve's t-shirts was laying on the chair in the corner of the room. I put it on. It smelled just like him. It was almost as if I could feel his warmth against my body. It made me calm. I climbed into the bed, making myself as small as possible to stay warm. His smell made me doze of into deep sleep, cuddling up underneath the blankets.

Steve's POV

I tried giving Natasha some space, figuring that she probably wanted that. I don't.
I went to the kitchen, looking inside the refrigerator. Empty. Not that I thought it would have been full. It could have been months since Natasha was here the last time. I didn't really know if she was here often. She said it was the place she went to hide, that's all. I don't even really know where I am and I have no idea where the closest grocery store is. I found a bottle of soup on a shelf. My stomach was screaming for food so I hoped it was okey that I took it.

In the middle of my soup party with myself and an old newspaper I heard a scream. I dropped the spoon into the bowl and spilled soup on the kitchen table. It's was cold and desperate. I was shocked. As soon as I realised who screamed, I ran. Following the screams that lead me to Natasha's bedroom. She was laying in her bed, tears burning down her cheeks. Her eyes were closed. She rolled around, screaming. More tears falling down her cheeks like a waterfall. I rushed to the bed, trying to wake her. I put my hand on her cheek and the other one on her shoulder, trying to hold her still.
"Natasha, it's okey! It's a dream, Nat.." I said softly. "Natasha?"
She sat straight up, scared and confused. Tears still rolling down her cheeks. She turned her head and looked me in the eyes. Hers were filled with fear, pain and regret.
"Please.." She said quietly, her voice broke halfway throe. She moved a bit on the bed making place for me.
I lay down beside her, putting my arms around her. She pressed herself to my body. She was shaking with fear. My hand were going up and down her back trying to calm her. I didn't want to say anything. It felt better not to. She stopped shaking after a while but we stayed still. She gave away a few sobs now and then, but nothing more. I held her for a long time. We both eventually fell asleep. Both tired, even though it was just a very early afternoon.

Hello guys. So a new update, hope you like it. And I know this is much longer than usual but I feel like writing right now. It's either that or study so it wasn't that hard of a choice. Haha, take care!