Lights, Camera, Action

Gone

THIRTY-THREE: GONE

Alyssa's POV

"Lys...can you, um...can you please come over?" I went into panic mode as I answered my phone. Mark and I didn't normally call each other - we usually texted, so I was afraid that something might be going on. It seemed like I was right. He sounded like he had been crying.

"What's wrong, Mark? What happened?" I questioned him, my voice laced with worry.

"It's not me. Nothing happened to me. I'd rather not explain it over the phone, though. Can you please just come over?" I could tell he was trying to sound strong, but I still heard the sadness in his tone.

"Of course, I'm leaving now. I'll be there soon." I hung up, grabbed my keys, and headed out the door without even saying a word to Aubrey. I just sent her a text instead, letting her know that I left and that I didn't know when I'd be back, or if I'd be back for the night at all.

Every stop sign and red light annoyed me during the short drive to Mark's place. He didn't normally act like this, and I knew something serious had to have happened. A million possibilities raced through my head and I didn't know what to think. I raced up the stairs of his apartment building and knocked on the door quickly. When he answered the door, I could see that he had definitely been crying.

"What's going on? Is someone hurt, or sick? Talk to me," I prompted Mark as we sat down on his couch.

"It's Daniel. He went to the hospital because of a suicide attempt. They tried to help him out, but it was too late. He's gone, Lys." My eyes immediately welled up with tears.

"What?"

"Please don't make me say it again," he begged. I didn't want him to repeat himself. I understood him perfectly - I just didn't know what to say, how to react, how to process anything. I could barely even believe that it was true. We had just seen Daniel. They had just recorded and uploaded new content. How could this have happened?

"I can't even believe this," I said, tears running down my face. I had no right to be this upset. I didn't know Daniel that well. Yes, I had met him, hung out with him even, but I wasn't nearly as close to him as Mark was, or the other Cyndago guys, or his family...I mostly knew Daniel from Cyndago videos, more than anything. And yet, I was absolutely heartbroken. As I began to cry, Mark did too, and I pulled him into the tightest hug I could manage. We both sat there sobbing for a while, not wanting to say anything, just wanting to feel and let everything out. When we finally pulled apart, I spoke again.

"I'm so sorry, Mark. I'm sure you don't want to hear people saying that they're sorry - I hated that when my grandpa died when I was younger. But I am. I don't even have a right to be this upset, given how close you actually were to him," I cried.

"You have every right to be upset, Lys. You still knew him. You got a lot of joy from him, too."

"I just can't believe I didn't see that he was unhappy. Me, of all people. I can imagine how he felt. I've felt it myself. I feel so terrible for not noticing how he was feeling and reaching out to him," I realized.

"We all feel terrible for that, Lys. Me, Ryan, Matt, Daniel's parents...do not try to blame yourself for anything." It was as if he was reading my mind. But then again, sometimes it felt as if I could read his too.

"Don't try to blame yourself, either, then. If we're going to blame anyone, we should blame everyone, including ourselves. We probably all could have done something differently to change this situation, but we didn't know," I said. Maybe it was a hypocritical statement, because I did want to blame myself, but it had to be said. We couldn't blame ourselves for this.