Lights, Camera, Action

Happy

EIGHTEEN - HAPPY

Mark's POV

A few days passed, and I refrained from texting Alyssa. I didn't want to upset her, and anyways, I had told her to contact me when she was ready. But after those few days went by and I heard nothing from her, I was a little worried. We talked every day, so this wasn't normal. Either she was still really angry at me and I had screwed up big time, or maybe she was waiting for me to reach out to her. I didn't know what was going on, though. 

I watched the daily videos on her and Aubrey's channel, and Lys didn't seem quite as peppy as usual in them. I hoped that wasn't because of me or our argument, but I had a suspicion that it was. So, I finally texted her.

M: Hey. I completely understand if you don't want to talk, but I'm getting a little worried. Is everything okay? 

About ten minutes later, I got a response.

A: I'm sorry. I shouldn't have made such a big deal out of everything. Can I come over later so we can talk?

M: Of course! And you don't have to apologize, I was just worried about you, that's all. Come over whenever.

She showed up at around three in the afternoon with her hair in a ponytail, no makeup on, and wearing a t shirt and leggings. It wasn't her usual look, but I liked it. Well, except for the fact that she didn't look all that happy. Maybe she was bringing bad news...maybe she didn't want to be with me anymore.

"Hey. We're both dressed for success today," I chuckled, looking down at my t shirt and sweatpants, not sure how to act.

"Yeah, it's a lazy day today," she agreed, walking in.

"Let me guess, you want a Vanilla Coke?" I asked. She nodded.

"Well, I don't exactly have any more...I have Coke and vanilla vodka..." I said, searching the kitchen.

"That's fine. I could probably use some alcohol right now," she laughed. I made us both drinks and we sat down on the couch. I was suddenly nervous.

"Mark, I think I need to tell you something about myself," Alyssa decided.

"Okay. You can tell me anything," I reminded her.

"Well, I wanted you to leave the other day because I felt bad, like the whole thing was my fault. I blame myself for a lot of things, and I didn't want you to know about my problems," she began.

"What problems?" I questioned her.

"I...I've been struggling with depression since high school...it got better after I was out of school and Aubrey and I started our channel, but it's not something that just suddenly goes away for good. I can't explain why I feel the way I do sometimes. I just get really upset, and I realize that I'm not happy even though I should be. When it gets really bad, I don't feel motivated enough to do anything because I feel like nothing matters and like I don't matter. It makes my life a living hell and I hate it," she continued.

"I'm sorry, Alyssa. I'm really sorry. I'm glad you're telling me this, though. But why didn't you tell me before?"

"I don't generally tell people about it. I don't talk to my parents about it, or many of my friends. It took a long time for Aubrey to find out, because I don't want people to think I'm just trying to get attention. A lot of people don't understand, and they don't take things like that seriously. I figured it was better if I just kept it to myself and didn't bother anyone else with it. But I love you, and I trust you, and at this point, it's probably better that you know."