Those Who Trust (Phan)

Part 4

Phil was tired. He had gotten home at 2 a.m. last night after spending time at PJ's apartment and right now he really regretted it. His alarm clock was screaming at him mercilessly that it was 6 a.m. and time to get up. He turned it off and turned around in his bed, shedding the blanket from half his body in the process. It was hard to keep his eyes open and he knew that if he wouldn't get up soon, he'd fall asleep again and be late for work.

With a heavy sigh Phil got out of bed and shuffled into the bathroom. The cold water on his skin when he stood under the shower made him yelp and he turned the temperature up and rubbed his arms to avoid goose bumps while waiting for warmer water to come out of the showerhead. Phil felt like he'd been up the entire night drinking and not even the water running over his head helped him get clarity. But he had not even had any alcohol the night before; it was just the stress from work that was slowly bringing him down. PJ's invite to a small gathering of people and a night full of gaming had sounded fun and relaxing, but it turned into a huge event that was quite the contrary. As much as Phil had enjoyed his time there, in hindsight he should have just stayed at home. He and PJ had stayed in touch after Phil brought him home in his car not too long ago and they got along quite well.

He arrived at work in time and got greeted by his co-workers. Some of them were chirpy this early in the morning and others didn't manage more than a grunt to answer Phil's mumbled 'Good morning'. Louise brought him a cup of coffee to his desk. It was from a machine and not from the coffeemaker, because that one was broke since two weeks now. Nonetheless, it tasted good. He thanked her and she patted his head affectionately, before leaving because of a meeting that was to happen soon.

The coffee didn't do much to wake Phil up. After a few sips, he rolled his shoulders and got to work. He loved his new job, he really did. Being able to change from working at a local radio station in Manchester to actually working at the BBC had been an amazing opportunity for him. His co-workers were nice, his boss was also good to work with and he liked what he was doing, but the level of stress was enormous. Phil often found himself with a headache these days and almost every day he worked overtime. Going to the Dungeon on weekends was the only form of relief he had lately.

When he arrived at home that day, it was raining. He had forgotten his umbrella in the morning, so he was soaked to the bones and in a bad mood. Some of his co-workers had asked if he wanted to join them for a few drinks after work, but he declined, because all Phil really wanted was to go home, lay down on his couch and watch TV and fall asleep.

He dripped little droplets of water all over the carpet floor as he made his way from the entrance door to the bathroom and stripped off his clothes. The warm shower was a blessing after being wrapped up in wet clothes and his skin tingled pleasantly. After he was done, he went to the kitchen and made himself a cup of tea. The only thing that could be heard was the whistling of the kettle and the sound of London's traffic outside Phil's apartment combined with raindrops spattering on his windows. It was moments like this, when he was waiting for his tea to be ready or cooking dinner, when he was cleaning or washing his clothes, that Phil felt lonely in his too big apartment. He would have liked to have a cat or a rabbit maybe, but animals were forbidden in this house and he wouldn't have enough time to look after them properly anyway.

Sometimes Phil thought about having an actual relationship, someone who's more than a submissive to take care of. Someone he can cuddle with at night when falling asleep and someone he could tell lame jokes, someone to turn to when he feels sad. But Phil hadn't met that someone yet and he doubted that he ever would.
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Three days after PJ's little gaming night, Dan got an invitation from PJ for another gaming night- an actual one, with not more than six people and snacks and non-alcoholic beverages. Dan agreed to come, but only because PJ was his friend and he knew that it was the man's goal to make Dan socialize more. He also knew that PJ was filled with guilt for what happened about seven months ago and that was one of the reasons why he tried to include Dan in as many activities as possible with friends. Of course Dan thought that PJ counted him as a real friend, but they would never spend as much time together, never be as close as they actually were, if it wasn't for PJ's guilty conscience.