Those Who Trust (Phan)

Part 27

A/N: Thanks for the lovely comments guys, here's the next chapter. :D Also there's something in here that might be potentially triggering, so please read ahead carefully. Hope you enjoy. :) x

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PJ was out of breath when he arrived in front of the police station, where Phil was already waiting for him anxiously. He bent over with a hand pressed against his ribs and trying to catch his breath, red in the face and sweating.

"PJ, I swear to god, if you don't tell me what's going on right now I'm going to actually punch something," Phil growled, hands balled to fists. Every worst-case scenario possible had already run through his head a thousand times by now, and he had no idea which of them it would eventually be that was true.

"I should have told you when I first found out, but I wanted to talk to Dan about it first but didn't know how. Phil," PJ looked up with a pained expression on his face, one that was full of worry and genuine regret, "I think Dan might be suicidal."

"No," Phil shook his head vehemently. "There's absolutely no way. Why? How could you possibly think that? Dan is fine. He's scared, but he's stable. He could never-"

"I didn't mean to see it, but then I saw it by accident, okay? When I checked my e-mails on his laptop, I opened up a new tab and I saw his bookmarked pages. Most of them dealt with suicide, Phil. Pages listing suicide helplines, but also pages discussing the best way to do it. Almost his entire history was full of pages like that."

"But you don't think he would do that, do you?" Phil asked sceptically, because of all the worst-case scenarios that had been running through this head, this one had been at the bottom of the pile of things that might have happened.

Phil watched as PJ ran a hand through his hair, the look on his face stricken.

"He's called a helpline more than once. I've checked his phone. And now he's run off in the middle of the night, and he left his phone behind."

"I see your point, but I really don't think Dan would be happy to hear that you went through this stuff," Phil snapped, and the worry about Dan was a little bit overshadowed by annoyance at PJ, because couldn't he have just talked to the younger man and have avoided this situation in the first place?

PJ looked at Phil as if he wanted to kill him that very moment, as if the only thing stopping him right now was the fact that they were standing in front of a police station.

"I haven't always been the best friend Dan could ask for. I talked him into going to the Dungeon with me when he wasn't ready, and although I knew you made him uncomfortable, I invited you both to my place at the same time. I forced him into going with me for Halloween even though he had told me a thousand times that he didn't want to go. I've done loads of things wrong, Phil, but right now I'm going to do the right thing. We need to report Dan missing. Even if he's not thinking of committing suicide, he might be having a panic attack somewhere, too disoriented to find his way home and not even able to call for help."

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"How was it that you realized Dan was missing for the first time he disappeared?" Phil asked quietly.

It was around midday now, and Phil and PJ were sitting in Phil's lounge. The older man had called into work to ask for the day off, and although his boss had been less than thrilled, he had understood that Phil was in no condition to have a clear head at the moment and agreed to his request. Whenever one of their phones vibrated, they both jumped, hoping to hear from Dan, but they were always disappointed. The police had promised to keep on the lookout for him, and they had requested that should he stay missing for longer than twenty-four hours, they wanted access to Dan's phone and laptop and to look through his possessions for clues as to where he might have gone.