Those Who Trust (Phan)

Part 33

Thank you so much for the lovely comments, guys. We're nearing the end now, after this there are only five chapters left. I hope you enjoy. :) x

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There were things Dan knew he should tell his therapist about, but he kept his mouth shut. The fact that he and Phil had had a sexual encounter was probably one of those things he was supposed to share because frankly it was a big fucking deal. However, he didn't feel like that was something he wanted to talk about with Ms. Naruse. She knew horrific details about the things done to him during the time he was held captive, humiliating specifics about the sexual abuse he had endured. Telling her about what had happened between Phil and him wouldn't be embarrassing, because he had mostly stopped being embarrassed about anything he told her. Then what held him back from telling her?

Being with Phil had been intimate. Whenever Dan's mind wandered back to the moment, goosebumps littered his arms and he had a prickling feeling at the back of his neck. There was something about this intimacy he just wasn't willing to share, because it had been so precious to him that he wanted for it to be his and Phil's alone. He had shared almost every detail of his life with Phil with either PJ or Ms. Naruse so far but not this one. This one was just too special for him to share.

He came home that night to find Phil in the kitchen ready to cook them dinner. When Dan entered, he was reading a recipe on his laptop with a frustrated look on his face, but the moment he saw Dan the frustration gave place to joy.

"How was your appointment?" he asked, wrapping an arm around Dan's waist and pulling him close for a quick kiss that Dan was happy to reciprocate.

"It was okay."

Dan rested his head on Phil's shoulder and sighed. His day had been stressful and he had felt anxiety nagging at his bones and pulling on his muscles. It had made him feel trapped in his skin but never surfaced and turned into an attack, and yet Dan had been on edge the entire time. It had been draining and tiring, but now that he was close to Phil and knew that he didn't have to face the outside world for the rest of the night, the anxiety slowly seemed to subside. Phil's body next to his felt warm and comforting and he had now wrapped his second arm around Dan as well, engulfing him in a soft embrace that Dan wished would never end.

"What are you cooking?"

"I'm trying out saltimbocca with mushroom risotto."

"Italian, I like it. Can I help?"

"If you want to."

Dan skimmed over the recipe Phil had opened on his laptop quickly before they divided the work, Dan starting on the risotto. He cut some onions and tried to hold the tears back that stung his eyes, Phil teasing him about it as he took care of the meat. Occasionally they'd bump hips or exchange a quick kiss, but they mostly worked in silence.

Dinner was a success and they did the dishes while listening to music and singing along to the songs off-key. After that they cuddled up next to each other on the couch and watched TV. When their eyes were heavy with sleep they exchanged the couch for Dan's bed, and Dan fell asleep with Phil's arm wrapped around him that night, feeling content.

He didn't feel content, however, when he woke up in the middle of the night. At first Dan was confused and not sure what had woken him up. He'd had a decent dream that he got ripped out of by seemingly nothing. It was unusual for him to wake up before morning if it wasn't for nightmares.

The problem turned out to be Phil, who kept shifting and turning next to him. After a few more seconds Phil seemed to settle down and close the distance between himself and Dan, cuddling up to the younger man's back, his breath tickling Dan's neck. Dan wasn't really a fan of the spooning position, no matter if he was the one to cuddle or the one being cuddled. It was always an awkward position and hard to figure out how to position one's arms to not have them fall asleep. Furthermore, he didn't like not being able to see the person behind him. He knew it was Phil by the way his body felt against Dan's and the way he breathed when he slept, but still there was something unsettling about not seeing him. It made his skin crawl. But Phil had seemed to find a comfortable position for himself and Dan didn't want to disturb his sleep by shifting around as Phil had to get up early for work, so he just tried to suck it up and closed his eyes to try and fall back asleep.