Those Who Trust (Phan)

Part 13

Always such a tease, Howell, it's time to teach you a lesson.

I'm never going to hurt you.

You have no right to look me in the eyes; you're the scum sticking to the soles of my shoes.

You're my equal in every way Dan.

It wasn't easy for Dan after Halloween. November was bleak and dull, a cold month that held nothing but bad memories for him that always lingered in the back of his mind. And then there was the pressure he felt coming from Phil, the pressure of acting comfortable in his proximity, to look him in the eyes when they were talking, pretending to be alright.

Phil tried to engage him into conversations more often these days, tried to lure him out of his room by having dinner together, watching a movie together, playing video games together. Dan would always agree, not because he wanted to but because he felt like he needed to. But keeping eye-contact during conversations was hard for him, joking during video games felt unnatural and forced and whenever he finally retreated back to his room, he felt exhausted.

On a rainy Thursday evening he stumbled into the lounge. Dan had woken up from a nap and was still busy with getting the sleep out of his eyes. He had passed Phil in the kitchen, who was making dinner for himself, and was still a bit dizzy from sleep, tripped and knocked with his hip against the dining table.

"Shit," he muttered and rubbed the sore spot before pushing himself upright again, ready to sit on the couch and read a book when his eyes caught something lying on the table. Tickets. Concert tickets. Concert tickets for Muse, his absolutely favourite band. Dan's eyes widened at the two tickets just openly lying on the table. He could hear noises coming from the kitchen and quickly averted his eyes and went over to the couch to lie down and read, but couldn't keep his mind of what he had seen.

He had anticipated the small talk that Phil had with him once he sat down for dinner. How was his day? How was he doing? Did he enjoy the book he was reading? They always repeated themselves, every day, and Dan's answers never strayed far from the ones he had given the day before.

For a few minutes it was quiet, Dan reading his book, Phil eating his dinner and the rain falling against the window being the only sounds filling the room, before Dan couldn't hold his question back any longer. "Where did the Muse tickets come from?"

"Oh those, I got them for free at work."

Dan turned around to look at Phil- keep eye-contact, even if it's just for seconds, it's what he wants- almost in disbelief. "You got free tickets for a Muse concert from work?"

"Working at the BBC is stressful but it does have its perks sometimes," Phil mused. "Why, do you like Muse?"

"Like?" Dan asked almost mockingly. "Do I like Muse? They are only the best band to exist."

He could see the way Phil's eyes darted up to the Muse poster hanging over the couch; he didn't have to ask to know that the older man enjoyed their music as well.

"Do you want to go with me then?"

"You want me to go to a Muse concert with you?"

"That's why I'm offering."

Dan wanted to say yes, he really wanted to, but the thought of going to a concert, with many people around, made him feel uneasy. It would be loud and there would most likely be shoving and touching of strangers and sometimes simply going by underground was too much for him these days, how could he possibly go to a concert?

"What's troubling you?" Phil asked carefully, obviously having picked up on Dan's sudden mood change.

"I don't think I can go." Dan turned back to his book and turned around on the couch so his back was towards Phil to stop the conversation. The position was uncomfortable and he felt uneasy with his back exposed to the other man, but Phil got the hint and didn't press the issue any further.