Those Who Trust (Phan)

Part 21

Here's a new chapter! Hope you enjoy. :) x

"Don't think I don't know what you're doing."

"What are you talking about?"

Dan tried to look as innocent as possible, but he knew from the look on PJ's face that the other man had figured out exactly what was going on by now. They were sitting in his and his girlfriend's apartment, both busy typing up essays for university classes.

"On Monday you agreed to go on a date with Phil, and starting on Tuesday you followed me home every day like a lost puppy. I appreciate you wanting to spend time with me, but you can't just hide from Phil in my flat. You've barely been home except to sleep. To be honest, I'm surprised you haven't asked to sleep on my couch yet."

"I'm no-"

"No, Dan, don't even try to deny it when it's so obvious. You're my best friend and you can talk to me about anything. If I can, I'll help you, but first you have to tell me what's going on."

Dan shuffled his lecture notes around, and started to draw random doodles on one of his handouts. It was just a simple crisscross pattern, and he followed the tip of the pen with his eyes while creating the black net on his paper as PJ talked.

"I don't want to go on a date with Phil."

There, he said it. Although they were said quietly, the words were finally out. They'd been on his mind for days now, ever since Phil's offer to take him out. Just the thought of being wined and dined by someone made his skin crawl. Dan had been on dates before, he wasn't an idiot, he knew how they went most of the time. You go somewhere, you have conversation - sometimes forced and painfully awkward - and at the end of the date chances are at least one participant is hoping for something more. Dan started finding it hard to breathe when he thought about what Phil might expect from him at the end of a date.

But then again, it was Phil. Phil who had promised to not pressure Dan into anything. He had broken that promise already though, back on New Year's Eve, and now that Dan had told him that he had developed a stupid fucking crush on him, Phil must have thought that Dan was easy prey. Why else could he possibly want to take Dan out on a date?

And Dan, he just didn't know how to say no anymore. From the first time he'd met Phil, he'd always told him no, and so far, Phil had respected it. But what if he stopped respecting it and decided to take what he wanted? It had happened before. It would be so much easier for Dan to just give Phil what he desired, and maybe he would be nice about it, more gentle? After all, Dan supposed had been teasing him all this time. Phil had wanted him the first night they'd met, and Dan supposed that the want could have been there all this time, though Dan had never allowed anything to happen. It wouldn't be a surprise if Phil snapped soon, especially now that he knew that, in a way, Dan desired him as well.

Dan was a tease. He'd always been one and apparently he would always continue to be one. He'd paid for that trait once before; simply thinking about the word tease made him remember the taste of blood on his tongue. He'd been taught a lesson about it already, but apparently he hadn't had learned. Maybe it's what Dan deserved.

And maybe it was his fault for telling Phil about his crush. He hadn't even meant to do it, had never wanted to let anyone know about it. He'd avoided PJ's calls in case the topic of Phil came up. He had missed two of his sessions with Mrs. Naruse, and maybe his plan of trying to build walls would have worked, if his nerves hadn't worn so thin and if Phil hadn't cornered him in the kitchen. Although he hadn't even cornered him, just stood at the door, but it was still the place where they had shared a kiss, and in that moment Dan had remembered the feeling of the counter pressing into his back again, and the way he had been caged between two arms, and a body had pressed against his, and it had all just come out. He would never have told Phil if he hadn't gotten so panicked from the memories. Had Phil confronted him in any other room he probably wouldn't have told him. And the look on Phil's face, so surprised. And Dan had felt so embarrassed once he'd told him, and panicked, and honestly, Dan had never intended for Phil to know. It had just kind of happened.