Those Who Trust (Phan)

Part 40

Thank you so much for all the comments you guys. :) Here's the penultimate chapter. I hope you enjoy. :) x

___

"Welcome home, M-Master."

"Dan? What are you doing kneeling on the floor?" Phil asked. Of course he knew what Dan was doing on the floor. He could see it clearly. He recognized the submissive position. He recognized the wristband he had given to Dan as a gift should the younger man ever be comfortable enough and feel the desire to submit to Phil. But he'd never expected to come home from the pub to find his boyfriend in this position today. Why had Dan all of a sudden decided to want to try this out now?

"Get up from the floor, please, that can't be comfortable," Phil sputtered. As if hit by lightning, Dan tried to get up as quickly as possible, hands clasped behind his back now and head still bowed.

Phil approached him cautiously, reaching out a hand and softly placing it on his upper arm. He felt Dan shiver at the contact.

"Should we sit down on the couch together?" he suggested gently, forming it like a question so Dan wouldn't mistake it for an order.

Honestly right now Phil was at a loss for what to do. He hadn't expected Dan to ever wear the bracelet at this point, and even if he had silently hoped that one day his boyfriend would trust him enough to put it on, he hadn't thought that it would be this soon. He couldn't imagine that Dan really wanted what was happening here right now considering his violent panic attack not too long ago triggered just by looking at the activity sheet, but Dan's mind sometimes worked in mysterious ways.

Nodding vigorously, Dan let himself be led over to the couch by the hand on his arm. He was rigid under Phil's touch.

"Don't worry, Dan, we're not going to do anything before we've talked about this. It's okay, you can relax."

Dan took a deep breath, his eyes darting through the entire room, looking anywhere and everywhere just to avoid meeting Phil's gaze. Every fibre of his body seemed to vibrate with nervousness, and Phil was left to wonder yet again why Dan had made this decision, had put on the bracelet that indicated that he was ready to submit to Phil if he was so obviously scared of what might happen.

"Are you with me?" Phil asked carefully. There was a safe amount of distance between them, the only part touching Dan's body being Phil's hand, but they were still close enough to feel the heat of each other's bodies.

If Phil had felt ever so slightly intoxicated by the alcohol he'd been drinking at the pub, it was all gone now. His mind was clear, yet foggy because he couldn't entirely process what was happening, that this right here was really taking place right now.

"Why did you choose to put on the bracelet, Dan?" Phil asked, fingers traveling up Dan's shoulder and to his face, brushing a strand of hair out of his eyes.

"Because- because I want it," Dan replied, stumbling over his words. They didn't sound all too convincing, but Phil didn't know why Dan would possibly lie about something like this. After dating for so long, Dan should know by now that all decisions rested with him and that he needn't push himself for Phil. So was he really ready? Maybe the nervousness he displayed would always be there, no matter how ready he was. After all, this was a big step for Dan to take, trusting Phil enough to give his power over to the older man and submit to him.

Phil had briefly considered putting a stop to this right here and now, to ask Dan to take off the bracelet because clearly he wasn't at ease. But Dan had made this decision, and by now Phil knew that Dan wouldn't decide things if he wasn't completely sure about them. He'd been the one that wanted to face his captor one final time for closure, he'd been the one that initiated their first sexual contact each time, be it just innocent handjobs or actual sex. Dan has always been the one to dictate the direction their relationship went in, and by now Phil trusted him enough to know that Dan wouldn't make decisions if he wasn't sure about them - maybe not one hundred percent, because for Dan it was impossible to make these choices without concern, but as sure as he could possibly be.

Phil nodded, accepting Dan's answer for what it was. If Dan was ready, then so was Phil. He squared his shoulders, remembering what it was like to be a dominant. A glance at Dan showed that he couldn't comfortably slip into the role of a dominant completely. His boyfriend was too fragile for that; it would scare him. But at least a little bit of his dominant side could come out after such a long time to play. A short scratch of the itch that Phil couldn't reach for so long.

"What's your safeword?" Phil asked.

Dan's eyes quickly flicked to Phil before looking away again. He was chewing his lower lip hard enough that if he didn't stop soon, it would probably start bleeding.

He uttered out a word so quietly that Phil couldn't understand it.

"You need to speak louder, Dan," Phil admonished him gently, watching as Dan's Adam's apple bobbed in his throat as he swallowed harshly.

"Tulip," Dan replied with a stronger, yet still shaking voice.

"Good boy," Phil praised him and watched as a blush spread over Dan's cheeks. He'd noticed it before, the way Dan had become flustered when Phil commended him. Praise seemed to be something that Dan liked to receive, and Phil wanted to make whatever was about to happen next all about the things Dan liked. He'd just have to find out what these things were.

"Then tulip will be your safeword. We will also be working with the stoplight system. I know you're familiar with it, but just to remind you one more time: green means you're good to go, yellow means you want me to slow down and when you say red I'll stop, no questions asked. I'll be checking in on how you're doing regularly, okay?"

Dan nodded and Phil clucked his tongue, watching as Dan recoiled slightly from his touch at that noise. It was obvious that the dominant's displeasure frightened him, when just a thing as simple as clicking his tongue sent shivers down Dan's spine.

"You need to use your words with me, darling. Use them loudly and clearly."

"Yes-" Dan wanted to say something more but stopped himself, looking at Phil with uncertainty.

Sensing the problem, Phil shook his head and carded his fingers through Dan's soft brown hair.

"You don't need to call me Master or Sir unless you want to. Phil is just fine."

"Yes, Phil."

What a good submissive Dan was, following Phil's order immediately, using his words again instead of just nodding like Phil had ordered him to. He'd need to hear Dan's voice. His body was obviously in distress, shaking hard, so Phil couldn't possibly read any signs of danger from it. With Dan's voice, he could still tell how composed Dan was. And he needed to make sure that Dan spoke to him as loudly as possible. Quietly uttering a safeword that Phil could possibly miss was not an option here.

What they were about to do right now would be quite different from scenes Phil had done before. In fact, he didn't even want to call it a scene. Today was about showing Dan that there was no reason to be scared of BDSM anymore, that with Phil by his side he'd have every reason to enjoy it. This wasn't about pleasure, at least not for Phil. It was about showing Dan that he was safe and loved.

"Now tell me what you want me to do with you, Dan," Phil ordered softly, his hand caressing Dan's cheek. The younger man subconsciously leaned into the touch and let his eyelids flutter shut, before remembering the position he found himself in and shying away from the touch. Phil already knew that there wasn't much he could do with Dan today. His boyfriend was too scared, too on edge, too busy fighting against memories he worked so hard to forget. But he was trying, and Phil was so proud of him. Even if they couldn't do bondage or blindfolding or gagging, or any of the things Phil loved most doing to other people, they were getting somewhere. Dan trusted him enough to submit, that was really all Phil needed.

He watched in fascination as Dan lowered his head and quietly said that whatever they were doing would be Phil's decision. It was obviously hard for him to speak those words and his bottom lip trembled. What Phil really wanted to do now was wrap his boyfriend in a hug, but he wasn't sure if that much physical contact would be welcomed right now. Dan would have been the perfect sub. So considerate of his dominant's wishes, eager for touch as he'd just displayed by nuzzling his face against the palm of Phil's hand before he got a hold on himself. Phil's heart ached to think that he'd never experience the kind of submissiveness Dan had embodied before being kidnapped. Phil would have desired to have a responsive sub like him at his mercy to play with all night long. A smile spread on his lips as he realized just how blessed he was that Dan allowed him to see even the slightest glimpse of how he used to be.

"Today is not about me, my love," Phil promised him, "it's about what you want and don't want. So I want you to tell me what it was you desired most when you went to the Dungeon. What were the things you enjoyed?"

Dan's face was scarlet red. Phil wasn't entirely sure if he didn't want to answer out of embarrassment, or because everything he once had loved had been ruined for him when he'd been held captive.

Although impatient because he really needed to know what they would be doing tonight because Phil needed a plan - he needed to make sure he could map every little detail in his head to keep the possibility of triggering Dan at the lowest setting at all times - Phil kept quiet and let his boyfriend think about his answer carefully.

Dan's lips parted slightly as if he wanted to say something, but then no words came out of his mouth, his eyes quickly flitting to Phil's before focusing on the spot on the wall behind Phil again to avoid his gaze.

"Edging," Dan breathed out quietly, before he cleared his throat and repeated himself. "I liked edging."

Phil's cock twitched in interest at those timidly-spoken words. He'd always liked edging, taking his partner as close to the brink of orgasm as possible but never pushing them entirely over. He loved it when their cock would spurt cum out without actual orgasm, liked scooping it up with his fingers and feeding it to them. They were always so hungry for it and so desperate to come, begging him for sweet release.

"But I hate overstimulation. I mean, please don't- he used to-" Dan stumbled over his words and Phil nodded in understanding. He remembered when Dan had told him how his kidnapper had overstimulated him many times.

"No overstimulation," he promised with a soft smile, "I'll take good care of you."

But for that, he'd need a few moments to think about how he could take perfectly good care of them.

"Can you go to my room? Strip out of your shirt and fold it neatly, you can put it wherever you want. Then wait for me on my bed. You don't need to get into a submissive position, just make yourself comfortable. I'll be with you shortly, okay?"

There was a flicker of fear in Dan's eyes at the thought of having to wait for Phil alone in his room.

"It's just so I can think over things quickly, to figure out what's going to be best for us tonight. If you feel more at ease, then you can hide my toys. You remember where they are, right? I promise we won't use any of them, but if you want you can go ahead and hide them just to make sure."

Dan left the room with quiet steps. He looked back at Phil one more time before stepping out of the the lounge and into the hallway. His entire form was still trembling. With a sigh Phil let himself fall back against the couch and ran a hand through his fringe as he pondered how he could possibly make tonight not turn into a disaster. It was obvious that he'd have to walk on eggshells around Dan. Be as gentle as possible. He could be, but with Dan this was so much different. He realized that with one wrong move, one wrong word uttered, everything they had achieved so far could be lost.

___

Dan couldn't stop shaking. He'd tried the breathing exercises that Mrs. Naruse had taught him, tried recalling his happiest memories, tried everything in the book that he'd been told might help him calm down, but nothing really worked.

His shirt was neatly folded like Phil had ordered and he was sitting on his boyfriend's bed. His dominant's bed. How'd he get into this position again?

Truth be told, he was scared shitless. The leather bracelet around his wrist felt like it weighed a hundred pounds. Dan didn't really want this. He trusted Phil, he really did, but there was a difference between trusting someone and allowing someone to use his body like this. Maybe one day he'd be ready to submit to Phil, but he knew that today wasn't that day. But he wanted to do this for Phil, he wanted to do this for him so badly. Allow his boyfriend to act out his deepest desire one more time. Not that Phil could act out all his fantasies. There was only so much Dan could do.

Dan closed his eyes. Maybe if he could ignore their roles, forget that Phil was his dominant and he his submissive, maybe then it would be easier. Technically he knew he had his safeword if he really couldn't endure what was about to happen, but Dan really didn't want to use it. He didn't want to be weak. Using his safeword would make Phil only worry about him more than he needed to.

His eyelids fluttered open when he heard footsteps approaching. Phil was on his way. There was no going back now.

___

It shouldn't have surprised Phil that Dan had followed his orders. His shirt was off and neatly folded on his dresser. Phil couldn't tell if his toys had been hidden like he'd suggested, but Dan was sitting at the edge of Phil's bed, his naked feet touching the carpet floor. The only order that he hadn't followed was to get comfortable. The tension in his body showed that he wasn't at ease at all right now.

"You're a very good boy for following my orders," Phil praised him, only taking his eyes off Dan for a second as he pulled his shirt over his head and discarded it on the floor. He could tell that Dan was watching every move he made like a hawk.

Phil got on the bed and scooted to the headboard, resting his back against it after he pulled out a bottle of something from his nightstand.

"It's just massage oil," he explained as he noticed Dan's worried look, and spread his legs, patting the space between them with his hand. "Come here, back towards me."

The hesitation was so clear in Dan's eyes and Phil was pretty sure he knew the reason for it. With Dan's back towards Phil, he wouldn't have the older man in sight, something he wanted to avoid at all costs at this moment. Phil obviously understood where his caution came from, but he needed Dan to relax in order to talk to him some more about boundaries before they began.

"I promise I'm just giving you a massage."

Slowly, so slowly, Dan moved, until he was sitting between Phil's legs, still slightly shaking. Phil would have loved to just wrap his arms around Dan right now and offer comfort, but he pulled himself together. This was not the time for cuddling, so he squirted some of the massage oil on his palm to heat it and then spread it over Dan's shoulders, before starting to knead the tense muscles there. They were as hard as stone under his touch.

Dan let out a slight groan and Phil felt relieved that he at least seemed to enjoy this.

"I want to talk a bit more about what we're going to do," he said, wanting to approach the topic carefully, "things that are okay with you and things that I should be aware of in order to avoid triggering you. Is that alright?"

"Yeah," came the timid reply.

"When playing, is there anything specific you want me to do or not to do?"

After a few seconds of silence, Phil's fingers relentlessly digging into Dan's shoulder muscles in hopes of helping him relax, Dan started to talk.

"He used to call me his princess, and other condescending names."

"Is it okay if I call you you love and darling?"

Dan nodded slowly. "Yes, I don't mind that."

"What about cumplay?"

It was quiet for a longer time now, Dan clearly thinking about it hard.

"Yes, I think that's okay."

"If you should change your mind, you'll just tell me no and I'll stop, okay? I know we have the safeword and the stoplight system, but as soon as you'll say no I will take that as a form of safewording as well and stop whatever we're doing."

There were so many more questions Phil wanted to ask to get a better feeling of the situation, but Dan didn't give him the chance to, impatiently asking when they'd start. To Phil it sounded more like Dan had just asked him if they could finally get it over with.

So Phil got up from the bed and ordered Dan to lay down at the edge, while he himself kneeled down on the floor as not to loom over Dan. His younger boyfriend was still wearing jeans and Phil considered telling him to take them off, but then remembered how Dan had once told him that he'd been kept naked and how being the only one without clothes on made him feel vulnerable. Instead of telling him to take them, off, Phil unbuckled the belt, popped the button and pulled down the zip of Dan's jeans and told him to lift up his hips, sliding the fabric of his pants and underwear down far enough Dan's legs to free his still soft cock.

It worried him that Dan wasn't hard, and lying there looking as if he'd rather be anywhere else in the world. But the leather bracelet around his wrist indicated that Dan wanted this, that he was ready for it. So why was he so unresponsive, his eyes looking glazed over and staring at the ceiling? His behaviour made it hard for Phil to slip into the role of a dominant, and with any other submissive he would have stopped already. But Dan wasn't any other submissive, and Phil, although he planned to dominate him slightly, was not supposed to be a dominant at this moment. He was just the person who was supposed to show Dan that there was nothing to fear about submitting to him.

"Place your hands up, wrists crossed above your head," Phil ordered.

He watched as Dan faltered before following the order, lips slightly parted and breathing heavy.

"You're going to stay in this position and you're not going to move. Not your arms, not your legs, no bucking your hips. Did you understand that?"

"Yes, sir," Dan breathed out, and Phil could tell the second he locked all his muscles in place.

Phil leaned over, bringing their lips together for a soft kiss. At first Dan's were unresponsive, but when Phil started to trail his fingers over Dan's naked chest, tease his nipples and ghost them down to his pelvis, touch so light it tickled, Dan shuddered under his touch and reciprocated the kiss.

"How are you, Dan?" Phil asked once he had pulled away, his fingers now wrapped around Dan's cock that slowly started to harden under his soft strokes.

"Green."

"Can I blow you?"

"Yes, please."

Phil kissed his way down Dan's chest, before taking the end of Dan's dick into his mouth and sucking on it, letting his tongue swirl around it before licking a stripe from base to tip. He felt Dan squirming slightly and had to stop to press a hand on Dan's hips to hold him down.

"No moving, remember? You want to be a good boy after all, right?"

Dan immediately froze under him and Phil took the length into his mouth entirely, bobbing his head up and down as his hand played with Dan's balls. Phil had done more than enough edging sessions in his life to know how far he could take someone to make them ejaculate but not actually come, and he knew from experience just how much frustration but also pleasure that could bring. He'd edged submissives before for hours, had made them beg for sweet release as he let them squirm in ropes to find his touch again.

It didn't take long before Phil felt Dan's hot cum spurt into his mouth and quickly pulled away, watching as the last few drops splattered on Dan's stomach. His boyfriend whined and Phil shushed him after swallowing, effectively shutting him up. Just like Phil had ordered him, Dan immediately went quiet again and Phil leaned up to kiss him one more time, letting Dan taste his own cum on Phil's lips.

Getting out a bottle of lube from the bedside drawer, Phil poured a generous amount of it on his palm and started spreading it over Dan's cock. With Dan being sensitive from being so close to orgasm, he raised his hips to meet the slow strokes of Phil, disobeying his command again. Phil didn't want to go too hard on Dan, but he also needed Dan to be disciplined and follow his orders.

"Didn't I tell you not to move?" Phil growled under his breath, letting go of Dan's cock and instead tweaking his nipple lightly, just enough to make it slightly painful. "I thought you wanted to be a good boy for me."

He wouldn't punish Dan, no matter how many times his younger boyfriend ignored what Phil had said, at least not today. Dan probably couldn't handle that, and Phil couldn't possibly bring himself to do that to him, not until he was a proper submissive again that genuinely enjoyed experiencing scenes.

"I'm sorry, sir," Dan whimpered, eyes closed and breathing heavy. His muscles were still pulled taut, but to Phil he looked like he was slowly calming down and starting to enjoy what they were doing. That was good, definitely good. If Dan could enjoy submitting to Phil - if he could trust him enough to believe that Phil would not utilize his submissiveness for himself but to bring pleasure to both of them - they could maybe one day fully play as dominant and submissive again. Dan would look so good tied up, with a pretty gag in his mouth, looking up at Phil in ecstasy and anticipation.

Phil quickly got rid of those thoughts. He couldn't think about that now. As arousing as the sight before him was, he needed to keep a clear head. This wasn't about him, but about Dan. He wasn't allowed to fully slip into a dominant headspace, but the hopeful thoughts he'd just had filled him with tentative joy.

"Colour?" Phil asked.

"Green."

Phil let his fingers explore Dan's body. They traveled from the palm of his hand above his head over his wrist and down one arm, then did the same with the other arm. Tracing his collarbones and every rib he could feel under Dan's skin, before wrapping around his cock again and making Dan ejaculate again with quick and efficient strokes, leaving his boyfriend breathless.

"Look at you being so good for me," Phil said quietly, waiting until Dan had calmed down before touching him again. Dan moved his hips ever so slightly as well as his arms and Phil tutted. "Or maybe you're not so good for me after all."

He laced the fingers of his free hand with Dan's hand that was atop the other one and held it tightly. Grabbing Dan by the wrist was too risky, it might trigger a flashback, so Phil tried to hold him in place like this.

"Here I was thinking I'd let you orgasm soon, but if you aren't on your best behaviour, you obviously don't deserve that."

Dan's body started to tremble at Phil's words and his quick strokes. It took less than two minutes to have Dan ejaculate again. Phil lapped up some of the cum pooling on his stomach and leaned up to kiss Dan, letting him taste his own release while Phil's hand started moving again, curious to find out just how long it would take Dan to beg him to stop teasing and just let him cum.

Phil was enjoying this, enjoying getting to play with Dan's body like this, telling him what to do. He had missed this so much. After about a year of not going to the Dungeon anymore, this was his sweet release. He didn't even feel the need to come, it was pleasure enough for him to watch Dan come undone under his touch and orders. And by the looks of it, Dan was enjoying it as well. His eyes were shut, his entire body trembling at Phil's touch. It filled Phil with happiness that Dan trusted him enough to submit to him like that.

___

Dan's eyes were shut tightly, his bottom lip trembling. His entire body trembling.

Tulip.

The word burned on his tongue like fire.

He wanted this to end. He was scared. Phil's deep voice. The way he was touching him. The orders. This person was nothing like his sweet and caring boyfriend. Dan didn't know who he was. All he knew was that he didn't want this anymore.

Tulip.

He ejaculated again. The tips of Phil's fingers smeared through the mess on his stomach, before his hand wrapped around Dan's sensitive dick again. He hated himself for being turned on. Every muscle in his body hurt with the need to move. Even though he wasn't restrained, he felt like it. There would be punishment if he moved. Dan didn't want to be punished. Where was his loving boyfriend who'd promised him to always protect him?

Tulip.

"What's your colour, Dan?"

He wanted to say green, but the word weighed down his tongue and burned his throat like acid. Dan was not a green. Dan was a flaming hot red. He wanted this to stop, wanted the hand to stop touching him, wanted the figure to stop looming over him.

Tulip.

"Dan, I asked what your colour is."

The hand stroking his cock came to a stop.

Green.

He tried to say it out loud, but nothing happened. The only thing coming out of his parted lips was heavy breathing.

"Dan?"

Green.

You need to say green.

Tell him you're green.

"Tulip."

It came out of him against his own control. Dan's eyes shot open as the hand touching him retracted immediately, leaving his hard dick feeling cold. His chest was heaving, and the traitorous tears made an appearance. He'd been able to hold them back for so long, but now that the truth was out, he couldn't any longer.

Dan still didn't dare move. He'd safeworded. He'd done it, but what happened next? The last time he had done it, he'd been punished with pain and humiliation. His entire body was taut with nerves.

"You can move again, Dan. It's okay now. It's over. The scene's over."

Immediately upon hearing these words he curled into a ball on the mattress, loud sobs filling the room. He felt dirty and disgusting with his cum smeared all over his stomach. He felt like a disappointment for letting Phil down. He felt like he wanted to rip off the bracelet and burn it to ashes.

Phil murmured encouraging words, but Dan didn't listen. He flinched as a blanket was draped over him and didn't register the footsteps leaving the room, only to return a few minutes later.

"Dan?" The broken sound of Phil's voice pulled Dan from his stupor. So hurt. So sad. So defeated. "I know that you probably don't want me anywhere near you right now, but I've drawn you a bath. I've also left some food and something to drink and your favourite pyjamas in the bathroom. I can't give you aftercare right now, I understand that, but please accept the things I've prepared for you. It's not much, but it might make you feel better."

The most noticeable thing about Phil's voice was that it trembled. Phil's voice had rarely trembled before. The way he spoke as a dominant was strong and intimidating, and otherwise he was soft-spoken but direct if he needed to be. Dan had never heard his voice sound this brittle, and somewhere between the hazy memories and the fear, it made his heart hurt to know that he'd been the cause of this.

"I'll leave now and go to the lounge, okay? You can come out whenever you're ready and feel safe."

___

All Phil wanted to do was to hold Dan. To hug him and tell him that everything was alright, that there was no reason for him to be scared anymore. He knew, however, that he was the last person on earth that Dan wanted to comforted by right now.

He was sat in the lounge with a book, but he could barely focus on the pages in front of him. After a few minutes soft footsteps in the hallway alerted him that Dan had gotten out of bed and was on his way to the bathroom, like Phil had asked him to. When he neared the doorway to the lounge, Phil actually held his breath and his entire body still, until the click of the bathroom door and the sound of the lock being switched told him that Dan had followed his wish.

Many minutes passed by. Phil skimmed a few pages, but if someone asked him what he'd just read, he wouldn't be able to answer. Then he heard Dan unlock the bathroom door and footsteps up the few stairs, past the lounge and down the hallway into the room. More silence for a short amount of time. Footsteps up the hallway again, and then Dan entered the lounge with curly hair and red eyes, dressed in jeans and a shirt and hoody, the leather bracelet in a clenched fist.

"I'm leaving." Dan's voice shook as he forced the words out, and Phil could see his hands tremble as well. His heart shattered as the meaning of what Dan had just said hit him. "I'm going to PJ's. And I'm taking this with me," he raised his fist to show the bracelet, "and I'm going to throw it away on my way to his flat. I don't-"

Dan had to stop, tears in his eyes, choking on his words. He looked away and took a few deep breaths. Phil wanted to say something. To interfere. To scream. To do anything to stop Dan from leaving.

"I'm not a submissive anymore. That's in my past. And I can't- I don't want to submit. I hate it. It scares me. You scared me."

Phil sucked in a breath. Those words felt like punches, every one of them hurting more than the last.

"I don't want to have anything to do with the BDSM scene anymore. I need to quit once and for all. No maybes. I don't want to do this ever again. And I need for my boyfriend to understand that. To quit the scene with me altogether. I can't give you what you want, Phil. I know that you love the scene and I feel like an asshole for asking this of you. I know that being a dominant is a big part of you, but I need for you to decide."

Looking at the floor to avoid Phil's gaze and biting his lower lip, Dan took one final breath to find the courage he needed to say what was on his mind.

"Either you quit the scene entirely, or we'll end our relationship."

This felt like a dream. Like maybe Phil was wrapped in cotton wool. He couldn't hear his surroundings anymore. His entire world turned blurry before his eyes, but he never realized that it was due to tears.

"So I'm going to leave. And you'll decide. I'll be at PJ's. Tell me when you know."

With that Dan left without looking back. Leaving Phil behind with a book in his hands and tears in his eyes, and with the decision to make of what was more important to him - giving away a part of himself to keep his relationship with Dan, or giving up Dan to keep a part of himself.

(Part 41 will be posted December 26th.)