Those Who Trust (Phan)

Part 23

Thanks for the lovely comments. Hope you like this new chapter. :) 

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Phil was making tea for them. It was kind of his default setting by now every time he wasn't sure what to do. He knew that Dan was in the lounge and waiting for him to come back, but right now he just needed a minute or two for himself.

He had not expected that accompanying Dan to his therapy session would be so hard. He hadn't had any expectations really, hadn't been sure what they would be talking about, but he had never thought that it would be that intense. Phil had sometimes seen Dan let loose and talk about what was bothering him, but it'd never been like that before. Most of the time he was quite restrained, and even when he told Phil about certain things, he sugar-coated them. So when he started talking to Ms. Naruse, only side-eyeing Phil for the first half of their session, it was like a slap in the face.

It wasn't like Phil hadn't known that Dan was scared of affection, of getting too close to someone, especially someone from the BDSM scene, but hearing it spelled out like that hit him harder than he had expected.

The way Dan's hands had trembled and he had swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing, Phil couldn't decide whether Dan looked broken or fierce.

"I told Phil that I'm too scared to get close," Dan's voice had trembled slightly, and of course he had fidgeted with the hem of his shirt again, just like he always did when he didn't know what to do with his hands while being nervous. "But I also told him that I would want to date him."

"And why is it that you are scared? Have you told him that as well?" Ms. Naruse had asked, and Phil had watched as Dan shook his head and his eyes flitted over to where he was sitting, before snapping back to her. Phil had been instructed to sit and listen for most of the lesson, and that if he had questions, he shouldn't interrupt but wait for Ms. Naruse to address him. She had said that it would help for Dan to talk more openly without being interrupted.

"I haven't."

"Would you like to tell him?"

"I don't think he would understand."

"Would you tell me?" 

"I don't think that I- the idea of being intimate with someone scares me. I trusted- he took advantage of me. He made me believe that what happened was my fau- that I wanted it. He told me that I liked the pain, and that I should stop acting like I didn't enjoy it. But I didn't, and I still ca-," Dan had stumbled over his words, and his mouth had snapped shut before he could finish the last phrase.

Phil had felt sick to his stomach at that point.  For the rest of the first half hour of the session Dan continued to try to put his thoughts and feelings into words.  Phil hadn't spoken and Ms. Naruse hadn't looked at him either, until Dan seemed to have said everything that had been on his mind. 

"And is there something in particular about Phil that scares you?" she had continued to ask. 

Dan's gaze had nervously shifted to him, and he had looked reluctant to answer. 

"This is a safe space, Dan. We've invited Phil to be with us today and listen to help him understand the situation both of you are in better." Ms. Naruse had coaxed him.

"He's a dominant. He enjoys hurting people."

"Dan, we've talked about this before. Being a dominant does not mean that he simply enjoys hurting people. Do you remember how we agreed that dominants want to take care of people?"

Dan had whimpered at that and shook his head.  "But what if they don't want to be taken care of?"

The kettle clicking off brought Phil back to the present, and he poured the boiling water in two mugs, watching as the teabags coloured it. He had known that when Dan was being held captive, he had been manipulated into having false beliefs, but he had never realized before how deeply they were still ingrained within him. What he thought about dominants, how he believed that they were only out to hurt people when a true dom would never do anything without the submissive's consent. In Dan's eyes, he must have been a monster all this time, and yet he had still admitted to being attracted to him.