Those Who Trust (Phan)

Part 10

Dan felt weak. He didn't want to eat. He didn't want to drink. He didn't want to move. What he wanted to do was stay in bed all day and sleep for the rest of his life, but PJ was having none of it. His friend had stayed with him the entire weekend, hadn't left him alone for more than half an hour and together with Phil, he felt like he had two guard dogs watching his every move. It was unsettling.

Then he had dragged himself to university on Monday and Tuesday, but when he came home PJ wasn't there anymore and being on his own was a daunting thought at the moment, so even though Phil was in the living room, Dan stayed there as well, not ready to face his empty room just yet. They hadn't talked about the nightmare although he imagined that Phil must have so many questions and whenever he remembered what had happened- although his memory of the events was fuzzy- he wanted the earth to swallow him up. Phil had seen him at his weakest. He had begged him not to hurt him. He had fallen to his knees. At this point he was more horrified about doing what he had done than the fact that Phil had been inside his room without his permission.

On Wednesday, Dan was on his way home from therapy. He unlocked the entrance door to the apartment building and was surprised to see Phil coming down the stairs.

"Are you going somewhere?" He lowered his eyes as they stood in front of each other.

"It's Wednesday, I'm on my way to the library for reading with the kids."

Dan nodded in acknowledgement. That was a thing Phil did, still did it after all the months when Dan had met him at the library for the second time. That meant that Phil wouldn't be home this evening and Dan would be on his own. PJ was on a date with his girlfriend and who else was he to call? None of the friends he had were the ones he would just call up to hang out with. There was no one around to stop the thoughts that would creep into his mind when he was alone.

"Have fun," he replied half-heartedly and made to step to the side to pass Phil by.

"You could join me if you want to. Unless you have anything to do or just simply don't want to spend your evening with annoying children pestering you to sit on your lap, which I could totally understand."

Dan didn't even have to think about it. "I'd love to come with you."

They didn't speak on the way to the library. Not when they went to the next underground station, not when they walked down the narrow stairs or got inside the tube, not when they got out and took the elevator up.

"Gladis!" Phil smiled brightly as he entered the library and greeted the librarian more than enthusiastically. "How have you been this past week?"

"Same as ever, same as ever. How was your week, Philip?" She affectionately patted his arm and Dan watched their interactions from a distance. "Should I help you set up the chairs?"

"No thanks Gladis, I brought someone else to help tonight."

Dan waved awkwardly at the elderly woman that was now coming his way and looking him up and down curiously. "He's a handsome one," she said to Phil and turned around to Dan to shake his hand. "I'm Gladis, it's so good to meet you. Have you been here before? Your face looks familiar."

When they were in the safety of the room with the children books in them, Phil grinned sheepishly. "Sorry about her, she's always very overenthusiastic."

"I think she's lovely, Philip," Dan mocked the old lady's voice and his eyes widened in panic. "I didn't mea-", but his words were unnecessary as Phil just laughed at them.

"She's the only one calling me by my full name. Can you help me with the chairs?"

When they had everything set up, Phil searched for a specific book in the shelves and the first children with their parents started to trickle in, the small ones running to Phil and hugging him around his knees- because they weren't much bigger than that- and their parents watching them with fond smiles. Dan looked on in amusement as every child tried to capture Phil's attention and when it was 7 o'clock, he told them all to sit on the chairs and opened the book he had in his lap. Dan stayed with the parents in the back, but listening to Phil tell the story of a frog that had lost its voice and was on a journey to find it again, he became just as entranced with his voice as the children did. It was low and soothing and Phil gave every character its own voice, acted out what was happening with big hand gestures. The children loved him, and apparently so did the parents.