My Silenced Cries

Living in the Fear

I'm scared... scared to close my eyes.

I'm terrified of awaits for me on the other side. 

So I stay awake. 

For days.

I'm going on my second day now with no sleep. 

I'm scared.... Scared the voices have all the say.

I'm terrified that I can't over power them anymore. 

So I don't talk. 

Ever.

I let them do the talking. 

I'm scared... Scared that I wont make it out alive. 

I'm terrified that I won't live to see the light of tomorrow. 

So I cut.

At night.

I do it to remind me I'm alive.

I'm scared... scared that I have lost myself.

I'm terrified that the black monster has swallowed me whole. 

So I stare.

At the ground.

I don't talk anymore.

I'm scared... scared that you really are gone this time.

I'm terrified that I even want you back.

So I force myself.

To resist the urge. 

To not ta to you. Ever.

I'm scared... scared that if I see you I'll die.

I'm terrified of you.

So I crave you

Every night.

I can feel you wrapped up in my arms, and your eyelashes on my cheek.

I'm scared... scared of feeling this way.

I'm terrified that one day I might finally ask you to come see me.

And you'll say no.

Just one time.

And I wont be able to make it without one last touch... 

I'm scared of loving you again.

Terrified of becoming attached to you.

And having you in my arms.

Again.

And then I wont be able to make it without us... 

I'm scared that this is the end.

Terrified of going on with so much pain in my heart... 

And not having anyone.

At all.

And now I'm forced to choose... do I ask for you? Or leave this world alone?

I'm scared of feeling this way...

Terrified one day it will go too far. 

And I wont make it.

Just one time,

I'll be done. Dead and gone. Just like him....