My Silenced Cries

I'm not sure... How I feel <\3

Please...

Please don't be mad at me.

Please don't push me away.

Hold me close.

Tell me everything is okay.

That I am normal.

That the voices are apart of me and that one day I will be able to tune them out.

Please talk to me.

Trust me.

With your darkest secrets and your problems.

Trust that I could never judge you.

Trust that I will always be here for you.

Trust that when I stand up for something it's pretty damn important.

I never say a word.

So when I do. You better listen.

I don't open up to people. So if I trust you. Don't give me a reason not to.

Don't test my trust because if you do I won't trust you.

My trust is easily broken and so is my heart.

I'm so confused as to what love is right now that I don't know if I want it anymore.

No.

Scratch that.

I know what love is.

I know what it feels like to love someone.

To want to do anything for that person.

Anything to make them smile.

Hell. You'll run up the stairs when your sick to your stomach just for a hug.

You do the stupid cheesy things to make them laugh.

You put on your best on the worst day ever just to make sure they don't have to worry about you.

You love them.

With everything you have.

You love them more then you love yourself.

You treasure every second you have with them.

But when they leave. Everything changes.

You start to fade back into the darkness.

You take everything they say the wrong way.

You start worrying.

Yes I have major trust issues.

Probably the worst case in this world.

I hate opening up to people close to me.

God knows why I still post in this story knowing you read it.

But I do.

Maybe one day you'll pick up my message.

I don't know if I can hold on much longer.

If you don't want to talk that's fine. But if I dont want to talk you might as well call in the SWAT team.

I'm sorry that I don't trust you.

But it's because when I do talk to you.

You get mad.

You can't deal with my trust issues.

You cover my mouth.

You'll do anything to shut me up.

So I closed up.

I quit talking to you.

I knew this day would come.

When one of the only people I really trusted would turn on me.

It's fine. I didn't expect anything less.

My problems are too big and powerful for the two of us.

So I don't put them on you.

I'm so glad I told you how I felt. But there are days that go by that I wish it wouldn't have worked.

There are days that go by that I don't know what I would do if it didn't.

Relationships take work.

But it's also a two way street.

Yes. I have lied to you. Pretty much everyday I lie to you.

But that's only because I'm scared of admitting the truth.

I don't want to be the way I am.

You wouldn't accept me.

I know you wouldn't.

Who would?

I'm scared babe... Our life's are about to get real crazy and I don't want to loose you.

I feel like you want to loose me at times.

Sometimes I don't feel like you really love me. But then... Sometimes I know that you do.

Sometimes I just want to jump out of this fast moving car and pray someone will catch me.

Sometimes I want nothing more then to have you in my arms and hold you close.

Help me.

See the light in life.

Move forward.

Don't push me farther down.

Show me.

How much you love me.

How much I mean to you.

Let me in.

Tell me your secrets.

Show me how dark you are.

Show me how beautiful you truly are.

Talk to me.

Show me you trust me.

It's a two way street babe...

Meet me half way please?

I'm sick of this 75/25 deal we have going.

I don't know how much longer I can hold on.

I love you. More then anything.

It breaks my heart to watch you hurt... And it kills me to watch you test my trust. Because the longer you test it. The smaller it gets.

Don't ruin this.

And if you can't take it anymore. Just tell me it's over. I'll step back.

I won't want to. But I will.

I love you. Don't forget that. Please.

Just say I love you too.

Ivori you mean the world to me babe <3

---Love <3