My Silenced Cries

Sorry... I really am

I'm sorry: two words that can mean the word or be to push you away because someone doesn't care nor want to hear what's behind your tears.

I truly am sorry,

for hurting you.

For using you as a shoulder to cry on. 

For letting you take advantage of me.

I'm sorry that I'm not perfect. 

I'm not Barbie doll.

I'm me, my own person. Put on this earth for a reason.

I don't know why yet, but I believe there is a reason. 

I'm sorry I'm not what you wanted; not what you hoped I would be.

I'm sorry that, that I can't see the good in me and that you have to tell me everyday that I'm worth something.

I'm sorry that I can't believe you.

I'm sorry I let you go.

I'm sorry that I killed you. That I caused you to kill yourself.

I'm sorry that you cant understand. 

Sorry that I make a huge deal out of nothing.

I'm sorry that I cant do anything but hurt other people.

That no matter how hard I try I can never love you like I want to.

Sorry for all the hate, sorry for all the confusion.

I'm sorry that I cannot prove to you that I love you; more then you will ever be able to understand.

Sorry that I can't be there for you.

I failed you... I can't ever help you because I am lost. I am a failure at life. and most importantly I am a failure to you.

I wish I could be who you want me to be.

That if I just lost sixty or eighty pounds and wore the right shoes then you would like me. 

Maybe everyone would like me, if I just put the mask on a sucked it up. 

Took my meds and carried on like a normal person.

Maybe then... I wouldn't be such an attention whore.

Maybe...

I'm sorry for everything, for scaring you, for hurting you, for leaving you when you needed me most. 

But I can't take it back.

And I have no idea how to show you that I care.

I'm lost.

I'm lost without you.

I'm sorry...