My Silenced Cries

All I honestly want... But can't have.

All I really want

All I honestly want...

Is for you to tell me you love me first.

When ever you say "I love you" and not "I love you too" it makes me smile like an idiot and butterflies twist my stomach. My heart race and my breath quicken

I want you to tell me why you love me.

Why do you love me? Cause I'm me? Well... That sounds like something you would tell someone you dot really love and you have no reason to love.

For you to call me beautiful.

Maybe that's a little bitchy on my part but... Even though I say my feels don't matter- because they shouldn't. But every once in a while would be nice.

For you to text me first.

When you text me first not asking me a question it shows to me and the voices that you do what to talk to me. And you have no idea how much that really does mean to me.

I want you to look past my flaws really, and tell me what you see.

My flaws mask what really inside... All you see is my flaws. You look past them but only at a glance... If you could see what's really inside... You would understand what I go through.

I want you to love me like I love you.

I know you don't like to open up about how you feel but trust me. Neither do I. At. All. And I do it all the time for you.

I want you to have patience with me.

Yes. I need a reality check just about every other day. But that's me. I didn't chose to be this way. But I am the way I am. And... Sometimes you just gotta take a deep breath and deal with my super annoying mess.

I want you to not be so scared.

If this is love then that's amazing. But don't be scared or ashamed of it...

Tell me that my feelings do matter.

I know they don't. But if you were to tell me once when I do say that "Your feelings may not matter to anyone else. But they do matter to me." I would be so open and honest with you.

Be straight forward with me.

If I ask you something tell me exactly how you feel no sugar coating. I can take it. I may be weak but I'm not broken. And if I ask how you feel I want to know exactly how you feel.

This is a list of a few things that would make me extremely happier. But what would have made it that much more meaningful would have been.

If you cared enough to observe the cracks and come to realize this yourself without reading a letter that wrote it all out for you.

If you didn't get so defensive like my mom.

If you more understanding about everything else and not just my schizo.

If I trusted you enough to not lie to you and know I could never lose you no matter what.

When you say "wow... Well I'm glad people think that about me" I wanna grab you and shake the living crap out of you.

We think those thoughts is because you never show your emotions. Your worse then me sometimes.

The reason I'm writing this is because... You needed to know. What I really wanted and what means the mist to me. I'm not trying to throw you under the bus or tell you it's over. This was just for me... Cause I'm done crying to you. Cause... That's annoying and I don't want to annoy you to death and make you leave

I'm sorry.

I do love you.

I really do.

---Love <3