My Silenced Cries

Jack & Sally

Well that was supposed to be us. 

Remember when I asked you to marry me?

I was in the middle of a panic attack... 

I thought you would say no, and you would get scared away.

To be completely honest I don't even honestly know if we were dating at the time or not. 

You were supposed to be my Sally...

What the hell happened... 

I used to be able to trust you.

And then you threw that all down the drain...

You didn't care... You didn't care what happened to me. 

Or how that would effect me.

You were just desperate for a high. That knocked me so fucking low... I still haven't stood all the way back up. 

And for some reason my stupid heart still wants you. 

Hell I want you... I wanna hug you... that is truly all I want. 

Is one last hug. 

I didn't think that our last hug would be the end of it. But I want you to know that, that hug, that hug at the airport, that simple hug... meant more to me then you will ever know. 

You hugged me

In PUBLIC!

I literally started crying tears of joy when I got back in the truck... I made my dad swear on his life not to ever speak of it. But now everyone knows so who cares. 

Every time I talk to you, which is rare but still. 

I want to ask you to come see me... but fear of rejection holds me back... I know that I can't have you, because I lost you a very long time ago... 

But I still love you... and if you don't believe that then I'm sorry... I'm sorry I ever made you doubt that... 

I've been hurt so many times by you but for some reason I still love you... and I wanna see you. 

I honestly do. 

But I will never have the guts to say any of this to you in real life... and you probably don't even read my shit anymore so this is just for me to vent really. 

I just want you to know, and you know who you are. 

That I do love you

I always have.

Every time I tried to push you away I was just trying to save you... from my mess... and I guess that in the end that was a good thing... because it would have hurt a lot worse if I would have let you weave your way in... 

I miss you... 

Everyday... 

I feel you in my arms and around me and I don't know how to stop it.. 

I'm going crazy... 

but I need someone to drag with me again, cause shit this journey is no fun alone.

But for some reason... I can't leave without your permission. I need you to still tell me that you hate me and you want me out. 

What the fuck is wrong with me...? And why the hell do I still feel like this? So much for always being here for each other right? So much for forever... so much for everything... just get me the hell out of here. 

Please. I'm on my knees. Get me out of here. 

Save me. 

Be my friend again... 

You're the only one that can shut them up. I'm scared... 

Help me..