My Silenced Cries

Ventilation

I just really need to vent and so here we go.

Hi, I'm not dead. Yet anyways. 

Good God a lot has changed in this short... month or whatever. 

And I just... have no one to tell about it. And it's frustrating because I don't have a phone and I feel so isolated and alone right now. Even though I have more friends then I ever had and I'm doing more things then I've eveer dreamed of. 

I just... am getting mixed up in the wrong things. And probably hanging out with the wrong crowd... But for some reason I just am blind to it all. Katie don't worry about me please. I will explain everything i great detail this weekend when I get a new phone. 

Uhm... I don't want to say too much, because... well... I have personal reasons for that. 

I just... need someone that I can confide in, and someone that understands me for me. It's frustrating to write letters no one will ever see and get no advice anymore. 

I don't feel comfortable confiding in any of my new friends just yet. Except Ember, she's pretty sweet. I really like her. But some part of me... still feels empty, and I know exactly what I need and I know exactly how to make it all better. But... love kind of seems out reach right now. And... my poor heart isn't strong enough to be hurt anymore, for now anyways. 

I'm trying to straighten it all back up, but it's taking a lot of time and every morning I just wish I had someone to say "Good morning beautiful" too and then someone to hug after school. It seems everyone else has someone like that... but I guess that's what you get for being "the awkward kid" 

I don't really "fit it" with any of my new friends. I'm the good-kid of the group which makes my life pretty sticky and... kind of stressful... But in all honesty, I wouldn't want to hang out with anyone else. So in other words I guess cutting my hair all off and wearing boy's clothes kind of ended out helping me a little. I miss my lip rings though ): They just completed me and now I just bit my lips all the time. I'll probably re-pierce them next weekend and then I'll hit a nerve and then I'll die on my bathroom floor and then... well then I guess  I would be dead. 

This is an odd vent... sorry. 

uhm... I'm sorry I don't write anymore, high school is totally kicking my ass. Kids, don't ever skip out on school. Because you just have to make it all up and then you're going to school with 45 year olds and then you really feel like a piece of shit and you take long walks in the dark and then you trip over cracked sidewalk and then you see kids in your biology class and then you get told that they love you and you turn around to walk home and what do you do? You trip over the sidewalk, again, in the SAME FREAKING SPOT. 

so yeah, stay in school. 

It's the smart thing to do. 

Katie. I'll have my phone on Friday I hope. I hope you haven't died because then I would really die and then... Well then we could be best good hell buddies and throw major ragers and just freaking chill with Satan... that'd be sweet, man. *insert stoner laugh here* 

there is so much more I could say here... but I think I'll wait for a while... see if any unsuspecting texts pop up or something. 

Alright it's freezing I'm gonna die if I don't get all bundled up and pray to God that the wind doesn't blow tomorrow again. God I hate the wind. LET IT SNOW!!! PLEASE!!! 

Okay sorry, goodbye. I loves you all <3 And Katie <3333