My Silenced Cries

Until the end of time.

I don't understand this. It hurt in the summer, it really was. But ever since the weather got colder and it started snowing again... it just got a lot harder. 

I miss going to Colorado with you guys and I miss driving with you. 

I wore your jacket today, it really needs to be washed though. I swear I can feel you when I wear this thing. It's like you're right next to me. It makes me feel so much better on these days. 

I don't know what I would do if I lost you entirely forever. I need you with me. 

But now you're up there fuckin with the devils angels and goddammit kid I can't wait to be your side kick again. 

I miss you so much... you left way too soon. 

You're one year gets closer everyday... I still think about joining you on February 5th. I think about it every day. 

I'm still cutting. It gets rid of the evil. 

I'm so sorry, I never meant to disappoint you. Ever. 

The snow is so much colder without your arms around me. I miss you more than you can even understand baby. You weren't meant to leave so soon. We all still needed you. We needed you so much. 

I still can't believe it's been 9 months now... 9 whole fucking months. That's insane to me. To know I've survived that long without you. 

I really hope you got to meet your mom. I know that was important to you. I'm sure she loves you so much. 

I've changed a lot since you left this world. I think you would like me a lot better now I think XD

You wouldn't believe some of the friends I've made here. You would love them. 

I know that you're watching over me. I feel you all around me. Sometimes I wish that it was just more apparent. I know, I know. I can't ever be pleased :P

I just really hope that you're happy chillin in the sky, and I pray every night that you're still waitin' for me at the pearly gates because I promise I'll be there soon. Just keep waiting. Because now it's up to me to live for both of us. 

I love you my little baby boy <3

Jayden "Bucket" Spencer 7/11/95-2/5/12 <3

We will always love you and you will always be in our hearts <3