Into Oblivion

Dealing

I ran into my house. It was now six o'clock I hadn't realized I was breathing so hard until my hand was on the lock of my door. I never lock my door because I don't have anything to hide until now. I now knew I am gay for Levi but I couldn't bring myself to tell anyone. If my dad finds out there's no telling what he'll do. I didn't care that the walls were paper thin but I was breathing so hard I think I was having a panic attack my breaths got faster and shorter until I began crying then letting it turn into sobbing I slid down my door and pulled my knees into my chest and buried my head into my body. I felt like a terrible person I felt like if I told my parents I would be ripping everything away from them. I'm not religious but I prayed, I prayed to whatever God that would listen I asked why I was made this way, why I was blessed with an amazing family and why I'm surrounded by amazing people and most importantly why am I gay. I heard a knock on my door I knew it was Armin his room is closest to mine "E-Eren?" I could hear the concern in his voice. The last time I cried was when we were little around the age six and my mom broke both of her legs. The door knob shook but it was locked "Eren I'm worried what happened at Levi's unlock the door" hearing his name made me sick I quickly crawled to my trashcan and threw up "Eren I'm getting dad" that was the last thing I wanted but I couldn't speak at the moment. I made my way to my bed kicking my shoes off and moving the trashcan by my bed I was still crying which made me angry which caused me to cry harder. I felt weak and useless. School hasn't even started and I'm already crying into my pillow "Eren open the door" I heard my dad's voice and grew terrified. I tensed up grabbing a hand full of my covers. It's not like I was scared of my dad it's just I was scared of disappointing him. I don't know how long I can pretend everything is okay but I know I can't do it for long. My dad always wanted me to be a doctor just like him. "Eren what's wrong are you hurt, Armin said it sounded like you threw up" my dad tried to pick the lock but failed after a while he gave up. I got a text from my mom that said "I'm outside your door can we talk?"

I opened the door slightly and slowly to see my mom standing there by herself. I saw her and began to sob more realizing there was a reason why I've always been closer to my mother. When she came in to hug me she closed the door knowing I don't want anyone to see me like this. She walked me over to the side of my bed and began to stroke my hair "what's wrong baby?" I managed to choke out "i-if I tell you you'll h-hate me" she pulled away looking at me "Eren don't you ever say that I could never hate you." I knew it was true but that didn't change the fact I was still scared to accept who I am "please don't tell dad" I accidently whispered "honey what happened is it something bad?" I finally stopped crying after about an hour and a half as I whipped my tears away took a deep breath and spoke slowly "m-mom I think" she interrupted me "You're gay" I was confused "wait h-how do you know?" "I know what happened a while back with Jean" I looked down at my lap not wanting to remember what happened "I just didn't want to believe it so I pushed it back as far as I could until I couldn't fight it anymore." I told her as another tear slipped down my cheek. "Are you one hundred percent sure though" I looked at her "yes I think" her face fell and my heart sank. "I knew you would hate Me." she pulled me close "no Eren I don't hate you, honestly no mother wants to hear that, why? Because we will have to convince your future husband to adopt me some grandchildren" I looked up at her and she laughed as did I "no but really Eren I don't care you fall in love with whoever you fall in love with I can't control that, hell you can't either I just need you to know that I could never hate you." I felt a weight lifted from my chest "thanks mom"

Three days until school and I want to avoid Levi as much as possible. I'm glad my mom is a lawyer and is a great liar because Levi showed up at my house once since I kissed him I'm just not ready to face him yet. Throughout those three days I managed to avoid Levi and not tell anyone why I was having a panic attack almost every day in my room. But when school came I knew I had to face my demons. First day of school I was terrified this school was huge I was supposed to sing in that glee class today, Armin was too so I guess I feel better. I got to school pretty early and was extremely scared to do something wrong I could find Levi an- no I can't he probably hates me so I decided to stay with Armin. I had almost forgot about Jean until I saw his horse face walking our way "Hey Armin" he hugged him wrapping his arms around his waist while Armin wrapped his around his neck. They hugged for a little too long if you asked me. I folded my arms and felt the anger bubbling up inside me "what crawled up your ass and died " "go fuck yourself Jean" Armin's head whipped towards me "Are you kidding me Eren it's the first day and your being an ass I don't know what's wrong with you but you better get over it." "Are you serious Armin Jean fucking sucks dick he's a terrible person" "yeah and you're much better" I could see right through Jean, he sucks. "Don't let him get to you Armin, its fine I did start it by the way." Armin smiled "ok well yeah but he didn't have to react like that" I rolled my eyes "this is fucking ridiculous" I began to walk away and decided to just have a look around. Levi was right there were a hand full if gay people here.

The first couple I saw was outside and there was a guy with pink hair and he was sitting on the table with his legs wrapped around someone with black hair they were making out so I tried not to stare. The second couple I saw was sort of a weird match, one boy had on a brown coat with a white button up and jeans he looked pretty sharp but he was holding hands with a guy who was hunched over, his hair looked like he just got up out of bed he had on green sweats and a long white shirt on with old white shoes. I don't understand, not only were gay couples strange but the straight ones were too that girl who eats raw potatoes has a boyfriend who acts like he has ADHD and can't sit still. His hair was shaved and it was weird for them to be together. Another couple that was strange to me was a nerd looking fella who had glasses and a black long sleeve with jeans. His girlfriend had boobs that were bigger than my head but she looked sweet she was blond and had short hair she sort of looked like a girl version of Armin.

I turned the corner of the hall and saw thatHanij girl talking to Erwin. Hopefully Levi hasn't told them what was going onI walked by fast hoping that they didn't see me "HEY BRIGHT EYES COME BACKHERE!" Levi called me bright eyes and I grew uncomfortable, but I walked over tothem just in case "Hey what happened at Levi's the other day he won't tell usand he's acting weird we just wanted to know if anything happened when you wereover?" I sighted at the fact that they didn't know but part of me wanted totell what happened. "Well I went over we talked and I kind of kissed him thenran out of his house and have been avoiding him since so that could be thereason..." Erwin looked shocked but Hanij looked excited as always Erwin spokefirst "holy shit you fucked him up just because of a kiss?" I now felt like anass "why do you say that" "the last time he distanced himself like this waswhen his mom died" "but how can I have that kind of effect on him we just met!""You should have seen him when he first saw you" I opened my mouth to saysomething but the bell rang, time to start school.