Into Oblivion

My Secret.

I woke up in the nurse office with a wet towel on my head and Levi standing over me. The sight of his face made me feel sick once again my body clenched in an uncomfortable familiar way, I threw up once more. Once I realized that there was a bucket it saved me the embarrassment. "Eren drink this water, your mom is on her way" he handed me water and helped me sit upright. He ran his fingers through my hair knowing it brings me great comfort. I grit my teeth as tight as I can and squeezed my eyelids shut not wanting to face Levi. My mind wondered back to Lee's lips on mine. I brought my hand to tough my lips "What's the matter Eren, do you feel sick again?" I snapped out of my trance "n-no" I was scared that if I opened my mouth that he would find out. My mother came five minutes after that. I've made myself sick to my stomach. Who have I become? "Eren do we need to take you to the hospital; are you feeling any better?" "I'm fine it's just a passing sickness." And I was right the next morning I did feel better. I sighed "Wednesday" "that's right Eren so will you try to stay healthy." I rolled my eyes; I barely talk to anyone but my mother and my friends "and why don't you talk to Armin and I it's been a mouth! You're done with your anger classes, plus Armin misses you." I didn't bother looking at her as I spoke "I know." Mikasa sighed at my lack of interest the conversation. Like every other day it was the same thing a quiet car ride, an unnoticed weird behavior towards Levi, back home, homework then bed.

The third weekend of September was the week I sinned. Saturday my family decided to have a relax day and just be mellow. I grew bored and lack of affection I actually think I'm depressed I thought about it and it made sense. I scrolled through my phone contacts I came across Levi. I stared at it while longer, starting from the top until I came across 'for a good time' it's almost like I could hear him saying this sort of thing. I clicked the contact and laid back on my bed one hand behind my head the other holding my phone to my ear. He picked up "hello, Eren..." his voice was low and burning to my core he continued in the same low tone "you finally made your decision? Well then I'll pick you up in an hour be ready." Then the call ended. I got up fully aware of my actions I let my mother know that I would be hanging out with my friends this evening and before I knew it I was stepping into the silver BMW alongside Lee. He didn't live too far and the car ride wasn't awkward at all. Once we reached his house we went into his room. It was quite big and the walls were white but his sheets were black. All of his furniture was black. He closed the door took off his shoes and shirt than laid on his bed both hands behind his head. His body is fantastic I sat on the edge of his bed as he lit a cigarette "we don't have to have sex Eren. To be honest I like having you around, you're easy to talk to." I looked back over my shoulder "you too all the more reason why we have to have sex" he smirked I crawled over to him and straddled over him. He put out his cigarette on the ash tray and wrapped his hands around my waist.

I leaned down and our lips met. I grinded my hips slow and hard, the kiss became heated and sloppier; I took off my shirt and continued to kiss him. He fiddled with my belt until it was off he rubbed his palm through my pants sending large amounts of pleasure though out my body at first it was an uncomfortable pain but before I knew it I was under Lee panting and stuttering I remember feeling like it wasn't enough I remember yelling "Faster" or "harder" I remember the feeling of his chest against mine, the feeling of him sucking the spot under my ear, the feeling of letting multiple moans coming out of my mouth not caring how loud I was. The feeling in general the pleasure of being handled I lost my mind. My grip became tighter once I felt close to my high but there were no words to let him know. Lee reached his high seconds after I did. For my first time I thought it would never feel as great and it just did. I never took Lee as a cuddlier but apparently he is. He lit a cigarette as I lay on his chest tracing his dragon tattoo with my right hand. "Why did you get this tattoo?" he looked down at me, he was so clam "when I was small my best friend was shot right in front of me and used the remaining energy to give me his favorite toy... a red dragon." He looked over at a shelf where the toy stayed in a glass box I felt bad. He tightened his grip around my waist "oh I'm sorry for asking." "It's fine; anyway what's good with you and Levi now days?" I let out a long sigh "He's just so weird now he doesn't show me any affection like every once in a while he'll kiss me but he won't hold my hand or when we hang out it's like I'm just hanging out with a friend it's killing me." he scuffed "Just like Muntaska and I, he decided to devote himself to everything but me." I hummed "looks like were not all that different after all." He put out his cigarette and I stared at his arm but then saw little cuts I grabbed his arm; he didn't hesitate. "You cut?" I propped myself up on my elbow "a while ago there just the scars left behind" "oh my god" it came out as a whisper. "Hey, it's ok. I'm ok now" he kissed me again it tasted like strawberries and cigarette smoke I placed my hand on his cheek and he leaned back on the bed as I followed him down. Our lips danced together but were interrupted by my phone ringing. I detached our lips, sighed and put my head on his shoulder in defeat.

"Eren where the fuck are you!" it was Mikasa "Mika-""Dad's looking for-"I grew nervous my dad had taken the phone from Mikasa "EREN WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU WHO ARE YOU WITH?" "A friend dad" "YOU HAVE TEN MINETS TO GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE" I hung up, feeling the headache form and sighed "shit" Lee looked at me "I'm guessing you have to go" I put my clothes back on "yeah I really wished I could stay, really." He did the same and drove me home "Listen Eren, I don't think we should tell anyone about this and I also think we shouldn't have done this." "I couldn't have agreed more." We reached my house shortly "Thank you and again sorry I had to leave" he smirked "well I'm sorry you had to leave too, call me if you want to talk or something." I got out of the car and prepared for the worst I walked through the door and hadn't seen it coming. My dad had slammed me against the door. He had been drinking again. "WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN!" I closed my eyes and turned my head. "AND WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?" He grabbed my face and squeezed and he forced my head left and right. Shit I forgot to tell Lee not to leave any marks on me. I didn't answer, my dad was starting to act more and more like Mr. Arlert and that worried me. He punched me. My dad actually punched me I was in so much shock I barely felt the pain. I snapped out of it when I felt a blow to my stomach my body clenched and shut down. I hit the floor and continued to feel the brutal kicks to my body. Armin came running down the stairs. I tried to tell him no but no words came out. He tried to pull our dad back but was slapped. I heard the clasp of his hand on Armin's face; He fell to the floor with a loud thud and that was the last I remember. I woke up in my bed on Sunday morning feeling like I was being torched. My whole body was on fire, I could barely move "Shit Eren, are you okay?" it was Mikasa she looked like she had been crying. She never does that. I tried to sit up but couldn't. "Don't move you need to say in bed." I agreed. I began to wonder why my mother hadn't called the police; I was alone in a world full of people. Thankfully my body healed quickly but I was still sensitive to any touch. I walked into the bathroom that night and looked in the mirror; I was disgusted by what I saw. I had taken off my shirt and witnessed all the bruises on my body and my face. My lip, busted. Eyebrow, cut. Eye, black. It then came to me that I was going to be working with the kids this Tuesday, how was I supposed to show my face around those small children. My clutch tightened on the sink as I began to shed salty tears. Eren why are you pathetic? You know you're only doing this to yourself. I looked in the mirror once again. I did the first thing that comes to mind I looked vigorously through the bathroom cabinets until I came across an old razor. The tears were spilling out now, I locked the door threw it on the floor and stomped on it, breaking it exposing the naked razor. I picked up and held it over my wrist but couldn't come to draw it across my skin. I slid down the door holding the razor to my wrist, there was no other way out. It was cold and stung at first but as the blood spilled over, I felt my sorrows escape my body threw that one cut, that night there was five cuts on each wrist. The color red, I was just now acknowledging its significance as I cleaned the floor I couldn't take my eyes off of the stained paper towel there was so much. By Monday I was moving around and talking again. I decided that it's safe to go to school tomorrow, for the kids. That morning I walked into Mikasa's room "HAVENT YOU HEARD OF KNOCKING!?" she yelled "put make up on my face I can't go to school looking like this I'm dealing with kids today." I saw the sorrow in her eyes "sure sit down" I sighed "thanks" she pulled out a sponge and brush and asked me "Hey, why are you wearing a long sleeve?" my memories flashed back to my wrist "no reason" and that was the end of the discussion

I was sort of scared to show up to school I hadall sorts of bruises on my body I'm glad there was a breeze to give me anexcuse to wear a black long sleeve and jeans. Shima was the first to see me "HeyShima, Rin" "Eren where were you yesterday?" I turned around. It was Levi. "Iwas uh sick." "Well I hope you feel better"