Into Oblivion

What Do I Do Now?

[Levi P.O.V]

I opened my eyes as fast as I could Eren was all I could think about. I forced my body to get up but it was too heavy. I looked to my left and I could have sworn I - I saw Petra and my mom. I blinked and just like that they were gone. Your life really does change in a blink of an eye. I was in the hospital. I lay down and just cried I tried to be silent but I didn't know what to do anymore. I no longer had any direction in my life. I covered my face with my right arm everything just became so pointless.

I couldn't just turn to suicide or cutting because I know my mom, Petra and especially Eren wouldn't want me to do that. My dad walked in the room I really wasn't in the mood for his shit at the moment "um how are you feeling?" Is this some kind of joke "how the fuck do you think I was drugged and my boyfriend was literally ripped from my hands "he sighed as I continued to cry and cover my face. "listen Levi I'm sorry that happened you've been through a lot of shit like a lot and I know it'os my fault so I want to be here for you" I talked through my tears trying not to completely break down "all you need to do is pay the hospital bills and the house bills and I'll be fine if you never even look at me again "he sighed "Levi I'm really trying " I already said I didn't want to deal with this shit so I didn't answer.

All day I wondered where he is how he's doing who he's with, and how long he would be gone. I was scared for him, I knew he would be strong and do everything he can to get back but still the people I love most end up dying. I didn't need to bring anyone else down again. For some stupid reason I let Eren in, I let him get to close and now he's gone too. I can't let that happen to anyone else. As soon as I was discharged and was taken back home I decided to dedicate myself to ice skating. If I can't be around people I love at least I get to do the things I love. "Do you want me to take some time off of work " I rolled my eyes he's just now realizing how much he's lost and is trying to make up for it. "You own a company do you think we can afford for you to take time off work?" "Look Levi-" "no dad!" He stopped. I knew by calling him dad he would let it go "alright" I went up to my room but stopped at the door. This is where Eren was taken. It was left just as it was after the cops cleaned up the evidence. I could still imagine the messy sheets things that were on the floor. I don't think I can sleep in here tonight I'm not ready for that. I grabbed the door handle to close it but I heard something move I looked down it was a picture of Eren and I. It was a little ripped I picked up the ripped picture, it was the first picture we had taken together when Petra manipulated me into letting her draw on my face. That was the day I was sure about my feelings towards Eren and when he kissed me I felt like we were meant to be together. I took the picture into the guest bedroom and cried. I avoided everything that week. School, Kenny, I was barely eating, sleeping all of the above I think if you put together all the times I cried during that week it might add up to 42 hours straight. Eren has always been my lock screen but this time it's more important to me that it stays that way. It's Monday again and I felt the need to smoke again. I know I quit but the stress was getting to me I came to school late and had gone to my first period. I had this class with Eren. I stared at his seat for a while then I took my seat. Ten minutes of class and Eren's pink haired friend turns around and ask me "hey we haven't seen you Armin or Eren in a week what's going on" God does this fucking kid not watch the news. More importantly have I lost my touch? Last time I checked people were scared of me. "You have ten point one seconds to turn around and never speak to me again" poor kid looked like he just shit his pants I could almost laugh but I don't think I would be doing any of that anytime soon. I sort of felt bad, after eleven months of school I still haven't learned his name. The other one that I believe is his boyfriend was a loud ass whisper "hey sorry I'm late" "It's ok the teacher isn't even here yet" he was right she wasn't here. She soon walked in and got all of our attention. "Class we were just told that two more students were taken in this past week. Eren Jaeger and Kaneki Ken." No I'm not listening to this anymore I put my things back into my bag zipped it up then began to walk out. The teacher grabbed my arm "Levi I'm so sorry, I know it's rough but I can't just let you leave" I didn't even turn to look at her "get your hands the fuck off of me" "Levi I-" "you have ten seconds " the class grew silent I wasn't going to do anything but I could tell she was spooked by me. "Or what" "do you really want to know?" she let go and I made my way to the bathroom. I walked in and a bunch of freshman were smoking pot I dropped my bag then walked straight up to them right before they could even look at me I snatched the blunt out of one of their hands then I flushed it down the toilet."What the fuck do you think you're doing get the hell out of here" these stupid fuck ups "haven't your mothers taught you anything about smoking?" "And what the fuck are you going to do" these kids were pissing me the fuck off "you have ten fucking seconds "oh please who the fuck do you think you are" I was getting real pissed off now each word that came out of my mouth I took a step closer until the kid was against the wall "I'm pretty damn sure you've heard of me" I wanted to punch this kid so bad but I knew I was just mad at myself. I punched the wall right next to the kids face. He looked like he just pissed his pants one of the boys whispers to other "holy shit I think that's Levi Ackerman dude lets go" the two boys left as the one that was backed against the wall held his position. "You have ten fucking seconds" and just like that he was gone. I guess that's my favorite part of being one of the scariest kids in school watching people's faces as I say "you have ten seconds " I would have laughed at my own joke if I wasn't so angry. I locked the bathroom door and looked at myself in the mirror my black long sleeve hugging my body I looked in the mirror. I looked just like my mother who was pure and sweet, caring and nice to everyone. How could a person like that give birth to a person like me? "FUCK" I punched the mirror; it cracked again. Fuck now my hands bleeding. I grabbed and opened my bag, there's a spot where I keep an emergency cigarette and lighter. I know I promised everyone around me to stop but this is my fight not there's. I put the stick between my lips and lit. The familiar taste of my poison paradise I'm addicted to this kind of toxic. I placed my lighter back in my bag and sat on the floor. It's fucking disgusting in here. My hand was hurting like hell but I thanked the gods for blessing me with a face that only allows some people to read it. When I was done smoking I put it out then flushed the remains. I washed my hand the best I could to clean myself up before I head off to the nurses. As I walked down the hall I had gotten many stairs but luckily the nurse wasn't far. As far as I'm concerned I loved the nurse she was like a second mother to me. "Long time no see Levi!" She hugged me as she continued "what are you in for today?" I lifted my hand "another mirror Levi? I thought you were doing so well" I really didn't feel like talking. She grabbed my other hand and walked us to a back room "I'm so sorry about Eren honey" I looked down "me too" "how are you feeling? Any better, your gunshot wound ok?" I nodded. She placed my hand on a table and rolled my sleeve up. Fucking shit I forgot about my cuts. She hadn't seen them before, I had Eren so I never got hurt and had to go to the nurse like I used to. I looked at her face she was just starring at them a tear slipped out of her eye and my heart broke. I looked down it was silent except the occasional sniffing by Norma. She finished wrapping my hand up. Before I left she grabbed my hand pulled me into a hug "I don't want to see you in here again Levi please just know you can talk to me about absolutely anything ok?" I hugged her back and broke down. "I didn't even get to celebrate Christmas with him, nor his birthday." She rubbed my back "I know honey I know." God I'm pathetic I whipped my tears and wet my face. "I'll let the office know I sent you home sick" "thank you Norma" I hugged her again and left with a pass. Why did she even bother to have me around anymore I always fuck up no matter what it is but she still continues to help me. Once home I decided to clean my room, it was still bringing me memories. I put my bag in the guest room that's where I've been sleeping for the meantime.