Into Oblivion

A Stepping Stone

I got home and my dad was there I forgot he had the day off I hoped he didn't have the need to say anything to me today. I walked passed going into the kitchen but then I thought what if he's yelling at me right now and he thinks I'm ignoring him my hands are sweating and they start to shake. I shouldn't be scared to be around my father he was a good man once, someone who I looked up to plus he knew I was deaf now so why would he be talking to empty space. I grabbed a water from the fridge and as soon and I turned around all I saw was a bottle flying towards me I ducked then heard it shatter right above my head I tried to shield my face as the glass fell to the floor I slowly looked up and realized that there was a piece of glass right under my eye "YOU COULD HAVE BLINDED ME!" I signed I watched his lips "don't give me that bull shit talk use your words you shit" so I did I repeated myself but I screamed at him this time I felt the vibrations in my chest I'm pretty sure I sound like a idiot. Then he came close to me and said "next time I won't miss, clean this mess up" he spit in my face, I flinched then he patted my cheek with the glass in it. I'm pretty sure he was laughing but I'm not sure. I picked up my water bottle and got the dust pan and did as I was told.

With that done I had gone up to my room now getting in the habit of locking my door I signed and realized I have to do something about the shard of fucking glass sticking out of my face before someone sees me. I walked down the hall to the bathroom and looked in the mirror it was a big piece I was sort of great full that he didn't beat me this time sad right? I grabbed Mikasa's tweezers and tried to pull it out. It hurt like hell but I got it out eventually. Blood dripped from the wound I grabbed a paper towel and held it to my face until I found a band aid there now the other part. I hid the razor right under the sink I took it and rolled up my sleeves there was no room. My canvas was covered in scars I needed a new place and fast. I looked at myself in the mirror and thought last year I would never have thought I would end up like this desperate to cut and getting abused and just being so defenseless. I took off my shirt. My stomach, perfect right above the hip just as before when I had started the feeling was annoying but it needed to be done. Six cuts on each side I got into the shower until the blood stopped dripping. I just, I want to stop, for Levi but I can't. I had no homework so I just played some games on my phone. Tuesday it was Tuesday I'm not really sure how everyone will react. Late again I knew Shima was going to be the first one to notice what was wrong with me. I walked in class thinking what he will say. I sat down next to him I'm pretty sure he was already talking to me. I took out my books and pencil and waited for instruction. I watched my interpreter sign as I wrote notes. The teacher had to pick something up from the front office so we were alone to ourselves. I had my hands on the table in front of me. Again I wish Levi was here. I felt Shima's hand on mine. I looked up at him he looked like he just saw a ghost.

I read his lips "Eren are you ok I've been talking to you for like five minutes and you look like you don't ever hear me did u do something?" I sighed and signed to him "Happiness, I'm deaf now" I could tell he didn't understand I wanted to tell him but I didn't want to let him hear my voice. I saw his eyes shift to my hearing aid then the interpreter. It was almost like I knocked the wind out of him "t-that's for you?" I nodded and asked my interpreter to come over "can you tell him that it happened during the shootings" She told him and for a moment I could have sworn he was about to cry. I smiled and gave him a hug it was nice he said he was sorry for not asking in the first place even though it wasn't his fault "Eren, I'm going to learn sign language" I shook my head he didn't need to do that for me. "No I will you can't stop me I want to be able to talk to you. This is not a setback it's just a new chapter in life. It won't be hard. "

Next period was the glee class I didn't want to go because everyone in that room has such a beautiful voice and now I can no longer use mine. I walked in and everyone looked like they were talking to each other like the usual day the teacher came and settled the class down as he wrote on the white bored Rin had come in a little late and sat down next to me. I wondered why he didn't sit next to Shima who was just like on the other side of me but I guess he's my friend too after all. Rin shook his hand getting my attention he signed "how is Levi" "he's good he will be back in November" I looked back at the bored then whipped my head back towards him in shock he was the first person outside of my family to already know how to sign "you know how to sign?" He laughed and signed back "yes" wow I thought this is amazing. When I turned back to the teacher he was signing I shook my head and blinked my eyes rapidly but it was no dream. I could not stop the smile from coming onto my face I looked around and everyone signed at one time "welcome back Eren we missed you" This was crazy I looked at Jean who even signed "welcome back dirt bag" I laughed at the insult I bet it took that block head forever to learn that, but tears began to fill my eyes anyways. I was so happy I started crying Shima pulled me into a hug then Rin joined then, Armin, Hanij, Sasha and soon enough I was in the middle of a huge hug. I'm so lucky to have friends like them. The teacher pulled out a purple cake with the 'I love you' sign on it. We had cake and ice cream it was a party for me. fifth period rolled around and I sat in algebra II and as we took notes everyone stopped I looked at my interpreter and she signed what was happening "the intercom says a boy named Gabriel Calvin and Marco Bott were kidnapped last night from the park if you see him call the police now, for safety reasons we are ending the school day so call someone who can take you home as soon as possible" my mouth hung low. Marco? Why him out of all people I felt sick. That Gabriel guy, I've seen him around school before. He was the only other person who had pink hair besides Shima. He hung out with the scary kids that Levi said were evil. I couldn't believe it, wait he was Armin's friend he had a class with him. I pulled out my phone and texted him

'Armin, are you ok?' he replied 'yeah I just need to sleep or something.' I'm worried about him. He's so sensitive. Why haven't the cops found those kids yet that's the fourteenth kid in seven months. This all started March of last year they are only taking teens from Greenville. I thought to myself during the shooting one of the guys tried to drag me away, were these guys the same people that are doing the kidnappings?No I couldn't think like that. For the rest of October it was the same routine school, class, home maybe a beating, and then I cut. Before I knew it I was at school early waiting to see Levi. I had on a yellow jacket with white and blue snowflakes across it and a white beanie, Levi had a black turtle neck, bluejeans and a blue jacket over that. I saw him and I waved my arm high in the air and ran to him. He hugged me surprisingly tight for someone who was shot. I put my fingers in his hair as he smirked at me he held my waist tighter and kissed me. Trust me this was long overdue he stuck his tongue in my mouth and I could just melt, it kind of felt like my eyes wanted to roll to the back of my head. I swear I was choking back a moan at the moment Erwin had come towards us and slapped Levi on the back,breaking our kiss I grew annoyed Levi could tell because he did this thing where he slipped his hands under my shirt and he would squeeze I don't know why but it made me laugh once I realized I was feeling a little pain I remembered my cuts. He probably felt them by now. I grabbed his hands and shook my head I looked back at him and he signed "I'm sorry" he really had nothing to be sorry for "no its okay it's just me" he nodded took my hand and we headed for French class. I missed this, I missed being with him, I missed feeling this comfortable with him.   

I sat with Levi today Shima was ok with it so that made me feel like I wasn't leaving him alone, " Levi," "Yes?" I wanted to tell him about the sign I wanted to start using for him "I want to refer to you as handsome" "handsome?" "Yes instead of spelling out your name I can just use the sign handsome" "and I will use bright eyes" he kissed me on the cheek and I blushed, I haven't felt this way in a while now I didn't want it to end. Levi made sure to walk me to all my classes that day "you don't have to do this, how are you feeling?" "I'm fine I'm worried about you are you ok?" I thought if the scares on my skin and all the breakdowns I've been having lately. I lied through my teeth "well I'm not the one who was shot, I'm fine ok?" he sighed "ok well ask your mom if I could take you to the movies after school ok?" I raised my eyebrows "the movies? For what?" he kissed me "because I love you Eren" "I love you too" I blushed. "Erwin is taking Isabel his girlfriend so it's sort of a double date" "that's fine" I smiled "hey you're stalling go to class Levi" "alight" he said as he walked away he turned around and said "farewell my love" I laughed then walked into class. I looked forward to the end of the day of course my mom would say yes to letting me go. I let Mikasa know I would be with Levi and she told me to be careful I ignored her like the usual.