Into Oblivion

Levi?

EREN P.O.V

It happened so fast her body looked like a rag doll. When her body hit that windshield I flinched. I had a flashback of when that teacher died in that shooting. Levi had rushed to her side in a heartbeat I was frozen I couldn't move a mussel. He didn't scream nor yell nor check to see if his dad was ok or not. He just held her lifeless body. His lips were moving I'm guessing he was singing to her. There was a crowd and I stood in it not being able to take my eyes off of the scene in front of me. I couldn't run and help him so I decided not to ever leave his side no matter what because I love him and again I wasn't there when he needed me. The next day I left him alone with his family, he needed to cope. Once his family left I came over. He looked like he'd been crying for ages. I hugged him and he began crying into my neck he hugged me tighter his knees gave out and I bent mine bringing us to the floor "stay with me" he whispered. I didn't need to answer he knew I would. I wore a shirt that belonged to Levi and we slept together.

I had woken up and let him know that I had to leave for school. He opened one eye and reached out for me I took his hand, kissed him and left. I worried at school all day I texted him constantly but he didn't reply. That went on for three more days. I got the time to go over to his house. When he opened the door his face had looked drained of blood I touched his face "Levi are you ok?" he brushed my hand off his face and invited me in. it was getting cold so he made us some hot chocolate. I sat down "how are you feeling?" he handed me a mug and sat beside me "why do you cut?" I froze how did he know, how long did he know?

"I-""Eren I've known since the first time we had sex, I saw them all over your body" I couldn't look at him "Levi I-" "I just want to know why you do that to yourself." I hadn't noticed I was crying until I felt the tear drip onto my hand. "My dad beats me, Armin hates me and I hate myself. I can barely live with myself now. I've turned into a crybaby who is completely useless." Wait I thought why Levi would ask me that I put the mug down, grabbed Levi's arm and rolled up his sleeve. His cuts were deep and fresh. He pulled away spilling hot chocolate all over me. He set down the mug on the coffee table and I slapped him. My hand stung but my anger took over. "LEVI WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO YOURSELF YOU CAN NOT DO THIS. A LOT OF PEOPLE DIE PETRA WOULDN'T WANT YOU TO DO THIS TO YOURSELF. THOSE CUTS ARE DEEP AND LIFE THREATNING LEVI. IF YOU TAKE YOUR LIFE THAT WOULD BE SO SELFISH DO YOU HAVE AN IDEA HOW MANNY PEOPLE WOULD MISS YOU? DON'T BE STUPID" I was so angry at him but in a way I was more angry at myself "FUCK YOU, YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW I FEEL IVE BEEN BEATEN, SHOT AND I'VE JUST WATCHED MY SISTER DIE IN MY ARMS HOW THE FUCK DO YOU EXPECT ME TO BE STRONG THROUGHOUT ALL OF THIS, EREN I PUT UP WITH SO MUCH SHIT. DO YOU THINK IM STUPID DID YOU NOT THINK THAT I KNEW ABOUT YOU AND LEE IM JUST SO MADLY IN LOVE WITH YOU I CHOSE TO PUSH IT OFF AND JUST HOPE YOU WOULD NEVER DO IT AGAIN" I felt like throwing up why didn't he tell me this, about the abuse, about Lee, about the stress he was feeling. How could I even be here right now criticizing him who has it ten times worse than anyone I know. "Levi I-I'm so sorry" I didn't want to stay anymore this is really bad "Eren I-"The tears began to overflow out of my eyes. Levi stood up and took a step forward. I took a step back then turned for the door. I didn't understand I was the one who was being selfish this whole time how could I not know. I ran all the way to my house. I shut the door and locked it behind me. I was breathing hysterically I could tell it was loud and dramatic but I couldn't stop.

I walked up the stairs not even trying to muffle my cries; I grabbed the razor I had been hiding and held it against my wrist. I could barely see through my blurred vision from my tears. As I cut I felt I had gone deep this time I screamed as I cried and cut, it stung. A part of me urged to go deeper but I don't think I can. There has to be a better way than suicide. The next thing I felt were hands trying to grab the razor out of my hand. Its Armin I screamed and fought against him but eventually gave up. He grabbed the razor and flushed it I sat on the floor and cried into my hands the blood was still spilling from my body. Armin called for Mikasa, than hugged me. I didn't fight him I hugged him back and cried "why does everybody hate me." I cried "why" I was getting blood all over Armin's shirt but he seemed like he didn't care "we don't hate you Eren, but it's tough to love you when you push us all away" I thought about it was I the reason for my own sorrows? "Armin what- oh my god Eren "she ran into our dad's room and got bandages. She wrapped my wrist up and said "come on we have to get you to the hospital.

"NO please no. If I go dad will hurt me please Mikasa I promise I won't do it again I won't cut anymore please I promise just don't take me there" I was terrified and I admitted it I was just too scared to say anything. Mikasa looked down "Armin what did you do with the razor?" "I flushed it" "good" Mikasa looked at me and she had tears in her eyes. I've never actually seen her cry: only the face she makes after she was done crying. "Eren don't you dare scare me like that She looked at my arms and there were still scars showing "Eren I-"her gaze traveled down. I looked down and just my luck my shirt was lifted a little. "Eren..." Armin sounded so sad "There too?" I looked down and pulled my knees close to my chest. I needed to think. I stood up and headed towards my room. I locked the door and thought until I fell asleep.

The next day I came to the conclusion that I'm done pushing people away I have so many people that love me and I could lose them in a heartbeat. In the shower I washed away the dry blood and fought the urge to cut. I remembered when Levi stopped smoking he took upon chewing gum for a distraction. So I tried it. It didn't help much but I guess you could say the different flavors took my mind off of it. I needed to go fix things with Levi I didn't know if he was okay or not either way I must deserve what he has in store for me. I walked to his house skeptical of his emotions. When I rang the doorbell and I waited. It must have been like five minutes. I called Levi, no answer. He was home his car is parked out front. I lifted a pot that was located at the side of his house and grabbed the key then entered. It was quiet and dark in the house. It made me nervous. I called out for Levi but no answer. I looked down the hall and saw blood seeping from beneath it.