Left Alone To Cry.

Chapter 28: Nightmare

Warning: Bad language

DAN’S POV

We’re at my house. Marco is in front of me, his eyebrows furrowed. Richard, Will and Harry are standing still behind him, their arms crossed, and they’re all four of them staring at me. It’s making me feel so uncomfortable.

“So, how did it go?” Marco finally asks.

“Well, um…” I begin.

I have this huge lump in my throat. I’m not sure about anything anymore. My feelings are all mixed up inside my chest, I don’t know how to function right.

Marco stares at me for a long time with his evil little brown eyes. The only noise in the room is the rhythm of my breath getting faster by the minutes I spend questioning myself.

“Well what?” Marco ponders, smacking his fist on the desk. “Tell me!”

I swallow hardly and open my mouth quickly to explain what just happened at Zayn’s house.

“I told them to fix it or we’ll have to get rid of them…”

“And what did they say?”

“Well…”

Again. This weird feeling in my guts. What is wrong with me!? Why am I sweating so much? I am so anxious about telling him. But at the same time, I feel ashamed…

How can I feel ashamed? Am I guilty for inflicting them so much pain? No! I am not guilty, I am a despicable person and that’s how it is! I am proud of who I am… But has this been too much? Maybe after all, they don’t deserve so much pain, maybe they don’t deserve to be destroyed like that?...

“Louis said they would never do that.” I breathe.

“Obviously.” Marco says, with a sigh.

Marco yawns deeply and rubs his hands together, then lightly strokes his chin. The tension grows inside of me, the feeling of doing something wrong. Then again, this other feeling trying to repulse the guilty feeling from my guts. I am not feeling okay... not at all…

“Dan, we’ve discussed about it before.” Marco says. “You remember?”

The manager forms a gun with his two fingers, then points it at me. He fakes to shoot in my direction, then blows his fingertips, just like they had been fuming.

I get a freezing chill down my spine. Oh yes, I remember very clearly. I nod my head and I can see a grin appear on Marco’s face.

“All we want is the best for this band, right?” Marco continues, reaching for something on his laps.

I nod again. I follow Marco’s hand with my eyes, not leaving it a second. I am terrified. If he’s trying to reach what I thinking he’s reaching for, I don’t know if I want to be in that contract anymore.

“The boys don’t want to cooperate. They will just have to pay.”

My blood chills into my veins when Marco puts a plain gun on the table. A gun, not a water gun or some plastic toy. A fucking gun. He pushes it towards me, and as the weapon is right under my nose on the table, Marco keeps talking with a smooth, calm and serene tone that makes me freak out even more.

“Next rehearsal. The retarded ones. You know what to do.” Marco ends up.

Then Marco stands up, and leaves the room followed by the three other dudes from the management. As soon as they leave, I start to breathe improperly. I keep staring at the gun, aghast of what Marco just said. Three sentences, with simple key words that had the power to make my soul frost.

He told me when he hired me, but I never thought he was sincere! When he told me “we’ll just have to finish them off”, I didn’t quite believe he was serious about shooting their heads off! He is crazy, totally crazy!

It’s a band after all, isn’t it? Money has come to his head, he’s crazy!

A part of me is yelling at the top of its lungs that I can’t do that, that it’s inhuman. But another part of me is whispering so close to my ear to do it. It’s bugging me. I feel like my brain is for the part of me that wants to do it, but my heart is with the one who tells me not to.

But if I don’t do it… who will I turn to after?

Marco was the only person to accept me… I was always alone, nobody cared about me, nobody wanted to be with me and nobody wanted of me… That’s why I lived on the street, that’s why I sang for people in the streets to get money that wouldn’t even buy me a coffee!! I’ve always been alone! And now, I have a chance to shine, but with a bunch of consequences.

I don’t know what to do! I’m going insane!

I grab my hair deliriously and clench my teeth until I can’t feel my mouth anymore. As my eyes are shut tightly, pain rushes through my aching body and turmoil makes my heart pound violently, a tear rolls down my face. My back slides against the wall, and I end up sitting on the floor, my head over my knees, crying.

It’s the first time in my life I’ve been confronted to such a dilemma…

Do I want to be a correct person and be hated…?

Or do I want to be bad but loved...?

I’ve always been the tough guy, why am I crying? WHY AM I CRYING? MAN UP, DAN! MAN UP! I’m so angry at myself, why do I give myself the option of being a good person? No! Dan this is your only chance! Jump on it, own it and be proud!

But…

“NO, DAN, NO!” I shout at myself, palming the ground as my face turns reddish. “YOU ARE NOT WEAK!”

My whole body is shaking. Niall didn’t have to go. He didn’t. I feel so sorry for Liam, Louis, Harry and Zayn.

I am SO sorry for everything that happened to them. I’m sorry for the fans. I’m sorry for Niall’s family. I’m so sorry for Niall. I’m sorry for everyone. I’m sorry. But I got to do it.

For myself.

 

Author's note: I just really wanted to show that, behind every evil, there is a story, there is a purpose, THERE IS a reason. Dan isn't just "evil" because he wants to be, he never wanted anything of that to happen to the boys. he doesn't hate them, he was just so rejected by everyone, he lived on the streets, he was always alone, he had nobody, and he found someone. The only way not to be rejected was to lie. Lying led him to very bad places, but Dan DOESN'T want to be abandoned once again, so he has to do it until the very end...