Don't Judge: A Teen Pregnancy

Part 17

Jay and I slide down the stairs. We go running for the Christmas tree where Elle waits. They decorated it a few days ago whilst I laid in bed moping. Today, I really need to try not to be depressed. Elle sits by the tree with a happy grin on her face. The second Jay and I sit down, she rips into the red striped paper encasing her gift from me. At first, she just holds it and put it around her neck.

"Open it Elle,"  I say. She opens the little locket and gives me a hug.

"Thank you darling," she giggles.I pick up one of the hundreds of presents around the tree and hand it to Jay assuming it is his.

"Um... This is yours babe," he laughs.

"Oh... haha," I smile and tear into the present. It is a breast pump from Elle and Jay. "Thank you so much." 

"I figured you were planning to breastfeed, so I got you this. Trust me, I know how annoying it can be. I breastfed him until he was two, and I did not have a pump. It was torture!" she explains happily. I hug her and say thank you. Then, I hand Jay his gift. I wrapped it in gold polka dot paper. The watch is simple, but so him. After he pulls that out, he pulls out the block letter D,A,D,D,Y. On each of the letters, there is a picture of us, the baby, or my belly. 

"I love them babe," he whispers while giving me a small peck on the lips.  By the time we are done with the presents, everyone is happy, and I have everything I need: bottle warmer, breast pump, blankets, burp cloths, bottles, awesome stroller, milk bags, boob cream (whatever that is), milk catchers for your boobs, ect. Elle and Jay got me everything WE need for the baby and more. Little do they know, I have one last surprise for them. 

"Hey. There is one last thing," I announce. "Jay and I talked about it a little bit, but he said he did not care. He just wanted it to have deep meaning and something I liked. Her name is going to be Caden Capri. We will call her CC for short. Caden means strong or a fighter, and Capri is short for Elle's middle name, Caprice." 

"I love it!" they scream with joy. We head to the kitchen to make some Christmas breakfast. They have done so much for me, so I decide breakfast is my job for today. i make little snowmen pancakes with chocolate chips for eyes and buttons whilst they watch a Christmas movie. All I want is to have that kind of relationship with my daughter, but this will be her last Christmas. I want to be able to open presents and watch movies with her. A tears rolls down my cheek. Elle walks into the kitchen.

"Honey, I have to talk to you. You have to be positive and hope that she lives. You cannot give up on her. I know that you have not, but you need to help her. Boost her spirit. I know I want to be positive, but think about it this way, you might only have a few weeks left with her. I know that this pregnancy has been a shitty time for you. Still, you love her. Don't look back ten years from now and wish you spent better time with her. To help you embrace it, I scheduled a photo session. Hopefully, this will help," she reassures me.

"Thank you Elle," I say while pulling her into a hug. After breakfast is done, we sit at the table. I eat four of the small pancakes and a whole ton of fruit.

"You ate more than I did," Jay laughs. 

"And he is a teenage boy," Elle continues.

"Yes, and I am a pregnant teenage girl. Twenty-four weeks is when you start to eat... a lot," I snap.

We clean up after breakfast, and sit down to watch a movie. Elle and Jay talk about how Christmas was when they were kids, and I listen, fascinated. Surprisingly, they were kind of poor when Jay was kid. And Elle's family lived on the streets when she was a kid. We talk and talk about Christmas stories, good and bad ones. Then, I bring up the idea of helping out at the soup kitchen before going to Jay's aunt's house for dinner. Elle laughs.

"What is it? Is it odd to help out at the soup kitchen on Christmas?" I ask concerned.

"Why didn't you tell her," Elle snaps at Jay.

"My mom has a safe haven sort of thing that she owns for women and children. We help feed the poor, and we help those who need it," Jay informs  me.

"Why didn't you tell me? I would love to help out," I scold Jay.

"Honestly, I really did not want you to be depressed anymore than you are. That place...  I cry every time I go in there. The things that people do to this women is despicable,' Jay explains.

"I want to help. I can relate to these women," I say pointing at my stomach. 

"Okay, just be prepared," he warns me. I tell them that I am tired and want to sleep for a bit. I head up stairs and collapse on Jay's bed. I cry and cry. To be honest, I feel like it could not get much worse. First, I was raped. Then, I find that I am pregnant with his baby. Next, my baby that I love so much is dying inside of me. Anything else? I sob for probably close to an hour in Jay's pillow. It smells so much like him. I really wish he was here. The only thing keeping me sane is him. Suddenly,  I hear the door click. I pull it together really quick. I don't want him to know how hard I was crying or how upset I am. 

"Hi beautiful. My mom just left for the store, so I figured I would come see you," he whispers while jumping onto the bed and underneath the covers with me. I feel the warmth of his arms wrap around me. In his low, sexy voice, he says,"I know you are hurting, but so am I. We can get through this. We have to work together. You need to talk to me."

I respond," I want to baby, but I do not want to hurt you. I figured that if I kept your mind off of it, you would not worry. I can't keep my mind off of it because she is inside of me."

"Do you really think that I can keep my mind off of it? Every time I look at you, it kills me. Both of you... I hate seeing you two like this. First off, I don't want to look at my baby and think of her condition, but I do. And you... All I see is broken. I want you to be happy again. We need to be strong for each other, including the baby..." 

I turn over to him and rub my belly. He pulls my shirt up and kisses my little belly over and over again. I worry that my belly is too small, but that should be the least of my worries for. They told me that she was small, but she was also developing at the right pace... besides the heart issue.

I lift his head up and kiss him. It lasts longer than I thought it would. I pull his shirt up over his head, and he does the same to mine. I lay there in my bra... Most people would assume that it is uncomfortable for a fourteen year old to be in that situation, but not me... Not with Jay. Jay could stare at me in my bra and undies all day. We have something that most teens don't... I know it sounds weird, but it makes sense to me.

I hold him close to me. I feel him warmth of his skin. I stare at his muscles. I am obsessed with him.

"Jay, I love you," I say while I lean up to kiss him.

"You are beautiful," he whispers into my ear. I run my hands up and down his chest. I trace the indents of his muscles, and  I kiss his collar bone. He kisses my belly and whispers things to the baby about how hot mommy is.

"Don't tell her that," I laugh. "Wait, wait, wait, put your hand here,"  I continue. I put my hand over his and press down on the spot where I feel her. He smiles, and when I am just about to ask him how he feels about her moving, he crashes his lips into mine. 

He has no idea how I feel about him. I know it sounds cheesy, but he completes me. MY Jay. I have no idea what I would do without him. I probably would have killed myself by now.

I pull him closer to me if that is even possible. He tickles my back and belly softly. Then, he slips his hands underneath my back and opens the clip of my bra...