How Do U Want It?

xiii

"And that nigga kept runnin', so I called him a pussy, and he ain't say shit. But yeah, that was that." Snoop rambled on to me about how he almost was in a fight.

I sat there with my cheek in mg hand, picking at the pepperoni on my pizza.

"What's wrong? You not even listenin', and your greedy ass aint touched that pizza." He questioned me.

I chuckled at his comment, a smirk growing on my face.

I continued to pick at my food, and my mind trailed back to what was bothering me.

You guessed it: Eazy.

"Snoop," I spoke softly, "What do you do when someone likes you, and you're not sure how you feel about them?"

'Like' was a big understatement. Eazy said he loved me, but I couldn't tell Snoop that. Not only was I scared, but I was conflicted as well.

I was scared because of the age gap, and I was scared of losing Tupac.

Losing my boyfriend to a 23 year old wasn't okay.

"Well it depends on who it is..." Snoop sat up on the sofa.

"We can keep that a secret for now." I said.

"If it were me, I'd probably take some time to think, you feel me? Just to find out what my true feelings are for them. I mean, from the top of your head, how do you feel about them?" Snoop said.

"I don't know." I simply stated.

It was all true, I didn't know how I felt about Eazy.

The situation in its entirety was taboo to me; a 23 year old in love with a 15 year old.

"Then like I said, just think on it." Snoop encouraged. "This ain't about Pac is it?"

I shook my head rapidly, "No! No, I love him."

"I was finna say," Snoop laughed.

It became quiet between us for a few seconds, until I heard a car horn outside.

"I think that's Dre." I mumbled as I rose from my seat, grabbing my jacket from off the coat rack.

"See you shorty." Snoop issued his farewell.

I skipped outside to Dre's car, and hopped in the front seat.

"Hey, Dre."

My stomach still churned at the thought of Dre beating on Michel'le. They were still together, but I had a feeling the violence never stopped.

"Sup kid."

I usually used to talk to Dre about all my problems. Any predicament I was in, Dre could feed me his words of wisdom.

But this current situation I was in, it seems like I had no choice but to be on my own.

The remainder of the ride was silent, leaving me to dwell on certain things in my mind.

When we got home, Dre and I were met by Yella, Ren, Cube and Eazy.

My first instinct was to isolate myself in my room, but that'd be too obvious. I had to step out of my comfort zone and stick around.

"How do y'all niggas be getting in to my house? I need to change the locks again?" Dre whined.

Ren laughed, "You know you love our asses, don't boost."

"Hi y'all." I said timidly.

Several his and hellos were heard through out the group of guys, but Eazy's stood out the most. "Wassup Ebelle."