How Do U Want It?

xix

"Ebelle, I mean.." Faith began as she began to paint her nails royal blue.

We didn't have school today, which was very fortunate considering the fact that I had to gather my thoughts from the incidents of yesterday. So Faith and I spent our break doing absolutely nothing.

I sat here reading some magazine I found on Dre's table in the living room and Faith played in my nail polish.

"That was selfish of you; what you said to Pac."

I frowned, "What was?" My attention was stuck on her now.

"The thing about his mother, when you said that you acted as if you didn't give a damn." Faith said shyly, as if she was scared of me blowing up in her face. "You told him to shut up, I know you were mad and all, but...that wasn't cool." Faith kept on going on.

Part of me wanted to get upset, but another part of me realized that she was right. I could cuss everyone out, or blow up in anyone's face, but when it came to Faith, my butter, I had to listen.

"You're ... You're right, Faith I'm.. " I fumbled with my words before she started to speak again.

"Just listen, and I'm not trying to make this about me but..." she softly muttered, "I feel like I don't know you. Not only you sell drugs, but I didn't even know. And I'm your best friend. I mean, I don't care, but in Tupac's case its totally different. How do you think he feels about the fact that his girlfriend is a dr-" I cut Faith off.

"I'm not his girlfriend." I retorted, trying to calm down.

"You were. Don't talk down about him because you once were in love with him." Faith stayed calm. I became quiet, and we just stared at each other. "And you still are."

Here I was, standing here miserably listening to my best friend tell me about myself. I felt terrible, actually terrible was an understatement. Dreadful, appalling, horrific, atrocious, that was about right.

"Faith I..." I tried to speak but she kept on going.

"I think you should apologize."

"What?! No!" I frowned before walking into the kitchen and Faith followed behind me.

"Ebelle I'm your best friend, I know you better than you know yourself just listen to me!" Faith almost shouted. Faith was usually a level headed person, and for her to almost shout at me; I knew I made her pissed.

"Faith, he hurt me. H-he cheated on me!" I said, folding my arms.

"And how do you know that's true?" Faith asked me, and I stood there, quiet as ever. I had so much anger towards Tupac for breaking my heart, I believed anything about him. And I'm realizing that it was extremely low of me to even believe Jada, especially after the fact that she tried start shit before Tupac and I got together. How could I be so blind?

Just then, Eazy walked in to the kitchen and asked, "What the hell are y'all talkin' about?"

He threw me off, "When did you get here?" I asked him, letting my arms drop to my sides.

"I was in the back sleepin'. I been here this whole time, but you know me, I'm nosy, so I'm tryna see wassup." Eazy said as he opened the fridge and skimmed through its items.

"Oh," I just simply said.

Faith informed him, "Yesterday, Pac's ex girl Jada tried to start with Ebelle. Sayin' that her and him messed around while he talked to Ebelle, then said that he only got with her 'cuz he felt bad about Ebelle's parents. Then tried to pick a fight. But Ebelle stooped to Jada's level! She cussed out Tupac sayin' that he was wrong and this that and other; but Tupac was mostly hurt because his mother is on drugs, and Ebelle sells drugs. And Ebelle never told him that! Or me for that matter..." Her voice softened towards the end.

"Damn, foreal?" Eazy said sitting down at the dining table. I just simply nodded, somewhat embarrassed. When Faith explained it, I sounded immature and reckless. Her points were becoming more clear.

"I don't know what to say about that one." Eazy pondered over the predicament.

"I mean, there was always somethin' about Pac anyway, I mean maybe it's true. Ion' know." Eazy said, which kind of made me mad. Any chance he had to talk down on Pac, he would take it, he's so childish.

All of us were quiet for a few moments, thinking about the situation in its entirety.

"Well, I don't know. And I'm startin' not to give a fuck." I shrugged my shoulders and mentally questioned myself.

I started to think about Eazy in particular. Maybe he was the right one for me, if only I was of age. I'm 16 and he's 25, nah, not gonna work. Or maybe he wasn't right for me, and the age gap was an obvious sign.

"Maybe we just weren't meant to be." I said, referring to Tupac. Eazy's demeanor changed, as if he was somewhat relieved.

"Well, I have to go Ebelle. My mom said we're going over my auntie's house today. I hope you think about this some more," Faith gave me a hug, slid on her shoes, and was out the door.

Eazy and I sat there in the quiet, dwelling on the previous subject. When finally, I said, "2 years."

"What?"

"2 years. I'll be ready."