How Do U Want It?

xiv

"So I can't get no happy birthday from my girlfriend?" Tupac teased me as he tugged on my hands.

"Today's your birthday? I totally forgot." I tried my best to sound serious.

"Oh really?" He responded deviously and paused for a second.

He then attacked my rib cages with his fingers, almost tickling me to to death with my uncontrollable laughing.

"Okay! Okay! Happy birthday!" I managed to say between my laughs.

"That's what I thought, silly ass." He placed a kiss on my cheek, then my lips. Then he frowned.

"You never accept my kisses no more, ain't no reciprocation. I'm the one that's doin all the work." Tupac stated.

He was right though. Eazy made things harder, because when he kissed me, I felt like I was betraying Tupac. But when I missed Tupac, I felt like I was betraying Eazy.

And for some reason, pleasing Eazy was a priority to me. I didn't know why.

"My bad." I sucked my teeth and kissed his nose.

"Ouch idiot!" He groaned and playfully punched me. I kissed him where his new piercing was.

"I'm sorry crybaby." I pouted at him before giggling.

"Okay look," Tupac reached in his back pocket and held his hands there, "its my birthday, and I really should be getting the gifts, instead of givin' em. But..."

He pulled his hands from behind him and a small velvet box sat in his hand. "What is it?" I said widening my eyes.

He opened it slowly, and a silver ring adorned in crystals, with a blue sapphire that sat in the middle. "A promise ring." Tupac sent me that pearly white smile.

"Oh my god baby, I don't deserve this!" I said, almost crying tears of joy. I really didn't deserve it.

"Trust me, you do baby." Tupac took the ring and its ethereal beauty and slid it on my finger.

I held it up and smiled, "Thank you baby." I gave him a big hug.

"Now let's go get some food." He kissed my cheek and tugged my hand as we walked down the sidewalk.

I was over joyed, believe me I was. But a pit of guilt laid deep within me. I didn't deserve anything materialistic. I didn't deserve any love from him, he was too good for me. And no one can convince me otherwise. I was beginning to hate myself.

I stared at my ring for the longest time, and it pained me.

Once we got to the chicken place, we sat down at a table and awaited for our order to be taken. When I told everyone we were eating chicken for Tupac's birthday, they gave me weird looks. I wasn't the high class flashy type, and neither was he. Chicken was just fine.

"Do you like the ring?" The question put my mood in a questionable state.

"Yes, its beautiful." I truthfully said.

Can he please stop talking about it?

At last, our waiter came, changing the subject at hand fortunately, "What I can get y'all?" The waitress smacked her gum as she held a small note pad and pen in her hands.

"I want the mild wings with extra sauce, and a fruit punch." I said, sliding her my menu.

"Okay," she mumbled as she scribbled away on her pad, "And you?" She looked at Pac. "Same thing." He said, tapping his fingernails on the table.

"That all?" The waitress looked between us two, and I nodded.

She walked away without saying another word, and I looked at Tupac whom was staring back at me. "Did that thing hurt?" I said, referring to his nose piercing.

He shook his head, "Nah, but the shirt hurt when I touch it, it's weird." He gently picked at the small crystal. "So I've been thinkin'..." Tupac said.

"What is it? 'Cuz most of the time when you say stuff like this it's somethin' crazy." I smirked as I played with the salt packets on the side of the table.

"We should go to junior prom." Tupac said smiling. I huffed and smiled, "You know I hate them things. I didn't even go last year, I aint even go to homecoming!" Tupac chuckled, "Okay but last year we wasn't together, and now we are. Come on, you gotta."

I sat there and thought about it, how bad could it be? "Ugh, okay. When is it?"

"Saturday."

"What?! Today's Thursday! And you ain't said nothin'!" I whined.

He laughed, "You're a girl, you'll be ready by then."

I sighed and then smiled, "Okay."

The next few minutes consisted of us talking about something random. The waitress came and brought our food and we dug in.

My pager buzzed in my pocket, it took all my might to ignore it, because I knew it was Eazy wanting me to sell with him. But lately, I've been running corners on my own with out a problem. Even though he's the one that put me on to this life, I could do it without him.

Within the next 10 minutes, we were finished.

"What do you want to do now?" Tupac asked as he grabbed my hand.

"I don't know, it's YOUR birthday." I shrugged as I swung his hand in mine back and forth.

He chuckled then it became quiet, we couldn't hear anything but distant police sirens and faint music blaring.

"Let's go to your house." He suggested, and I gulped.

"Um, ok." It's not that I didn't want to go, it's the fact that I knew Eazy was there, and from previous experiences this wouldn't be pretty.

We walked to my house which was no further than 3 blocks away. Upon arrival, I heard laughing from inside and talking, all familiar voices. Tupac and I entered and the noise came to a cease.

"Where were you? I paged you." Eazy broke the silence.

"I know. I was with Tupac." I said.

Why was he trying to start this?

"Oh yeah, happy birthday." Dre chimed in along with Ren and Cube.

"Thanks yall." Tupac flashed a smile.

The guys continued to talk and laugh, but Eazy stayed quiet.

Tupac and I proceeded upstairs to my room. "What was his problem?" Tupac said, referring to Eazy.

"Ion' know. Crazy." I plopped on to the bed.

Tupac was being his usual nosy self and was looking at my items placed on top of my dresser. "Is this your mom?" He held up a photo for me to see.

"Yeah, its the only picture I have of her." I said, pulling my legs up to do criss cross apple sauce on the bed.

"She's beautiful, you look just like her." He stared at the photo for a few seconds more.

"My daddy always told me that," I reminisced, "When it came to my mom, I was always conflicted. She hurt us emotionally, and betrayed us, but I still loved her. She was my mom. No matter how many times she told me she hated me, or that I was the source of her problems, I still had love for her. Because I knew that wasn't really her speaking."

I sat there, in deep thought, remembering how life was with both my parents.

"I never knew my dad," Tupac left the dresser and came over to sit next to me, "I was always jealous of Sekyiwa, 'cuz her dad came around. And I blame my mother for it, because she's on crack. I believe that's the reason my dad ditched her."

I laid my head on Tupac's shoulder, and we sat there, thinking about everything.

"I'm so thankful for you." Tupac mumbled before placing a kiss on my forehead.

I smiled, but my stomach churned. I didn't deserve him, he's too good for me.

Not only I was beginning to hate myself, I was beginning to hate Eazy. He was the reason I was feeling this way.

I spent most of my time trying to get his attention and his praise, but he's like poison.

He's toxic, and he knows it.