How Do U Want It?

xxiv

Guilt was tearing at my insides, and it made me sick to my stomach. Even after almost a month, my illegal doings with O-Dog still stayed in my head as if it just happened. And yet, we still associated with each other.

This wasn't a way to live. Everything was going so fast for me, and if I could pause time, I sure most definitely would.

But O-Dog frightened me to an extent unknown. I feared that one day he'd possibly end up in jail; or worse - dead. Caine and I talked on the phone sometimes, and he felt almost the same way. See, Caine and O-Dog were just alike. However, Caine was hood smart; O-Dog was street smart. That was the only difference.

I hated the fact that I bottled my emotions up like so; it was only out of fear. Fear that O-Dog will end up spazzing at me, or somehow take his anger out on me. But I spent so much time making others happy - it turns out that in the end I am not happy myself.

"And that was the time I fucked around and wrapped ma's car 'round a tree," Ren's (un)interesting story came to a conclusion as he chuckled. I wasn't really paying much attention, as I was usually locked up in my thoughts, I still laughed at his concluding statement. Only Ren would do such a thing.

All of us; Dre, Cube, Eazy, Ren, Yella, and I were all sitting in the living room discussing everything and anything.

"This nigga..." Dre scoffed and shook his head. My eyes rested on him for a few moments, dwelling on his personality. It was like him and the rest of the guys were a group; but Dre was the most level headed out of all. Scratch that; not level headed, I guess he just takes more leadership. He's the most serious one, you could say.

"Shut the fuck up," Ren's voice went up an octave, "Anyway, I gots to roll. I got a date with Kapri." He stood up from his seat on the sofa.

"Who the fuck is Kapri? And who gave her that basic ass name?" Eazy joked, earning laughs from everyone in the room.

Ren just made a straight face, and huffed in annoyance. "Fuck y'all," he looked as if he wanted to laugh at this point, "I'm gone." With that, he was out the door.

"Yo, a nigga is bored." Cube groaned as he sat back in his chair.

"Then take yo ass home then." Eazy retorted before bringing a blunt to his lips, lighting it afterward.

"You don't live here either, bitch ass." Cube spat back.

I couldn't help but laugh at them, while Yella and Dre just shook their heads in annoyance.

My eyes rested on the clock; 5:32. Shit. I had to meet the boys at 5:15. I got up from the couch, but in a normal fashion. I didn't want them to know I was rushing or else they'd become suspicious.

"I'm gone too, I'll be at Faith's house." I fake stretched before putting on my vans that sat by the door.

"I'll page you later on, Bella." Eazy said before blowing a cloud of smoke in the air. I nodded, and I noticed Dre kind of made an unreadable facial expression. I walked outside before he could say something.

Once I got outside, I sprinted to Caine's house. We changed our meeting point for what reason I don't know - probably because it was more secluded.

Reaching my destination, I stood in front of the house with my hands on my knees, struggling to catch my breath. As I sat there panting, I felt two hands come upon my waist and start to pull me back. Immediately, I stood straight up and turned around, only to face O-Dog. I wasn't really happy to see him at this particular moment.

"The fuck is wrong with you?" I said to him in a harsh tone.

"I thought you was bendin' over for a nigga," he joked and I looked at him with a straight face. After realizing that I wasn't playing with him, he sucked his teeth and hugged me, "You know I'm just playin'."

"Mhm." I said as we let go and walked up the concrete stairs. I knocked on the white wooden door, and it swung open a few moments later.

"Aw shit, what was y'all doin' to be late?" Snoop opened the door and leaned against it with a shit eating grin upon his face.

"Boy, please." I chuckled before sliding past him to get inside.

"Hi y'all. " I said to Caine and Tupac who were sitting on the couch, playing the Atari.

"Hey Ebelle," they both greeted as they kept their glassy eyes glued to the tv screen.

"Why we have to meet up in the first place?" I asked, talking to no one in particular.

"Because we did, any more questions." O-Dog spoke in a sarcastic tone. I rolled my eyes and sat on the floor up against the sofa.

"Foreal tho, wassup?" Caine said as he continued to focus on his game.

"Aight, y'all listenin'," O-Dog started to speak and I expected the worst, "We gon' kill Cadbury, that gnark ass nigga. And we gon' take his fuckin' car!" O-Dog had a sinister smile in his face, and we all stared at him in disbelief.

"Not this shit again," Caine muttered before turning the Atari off. Tupac just shook his head while Snoop looked puzzled.

"What the fuck?" Snoop said.

"Aye man he locked up my brother; he gotta pay somehow." O-Dog said confidently.

"Your brother was shootin' niggas up for no reason, like you doin' now!" Caine huffed.

"I ain't killin' niggas for no reason! If you fuck with me, I fuck with you back! Simple." O-Dog argued back.

"You goin' too far nigga." Tupac added in.

"Man, fuck y'all. I'll do it by myself, I don't need y'all fuckin help."

I sat there staring at the 3 argue about O-Dog's crazy antics. As O-Dog was about to storm out, he swung open the door, but was met by two police officers.

"Kevin Anderson?" One of them asked sternly. O-Dog kind of sat there, as if he knew this was gonna happen.

"What is this about, man?" He spat as he started to get upset all over again. They grabbed him by his arms, and everyone ran to the door as they handcuffed him.

"You're under arrest for the death of Kenny Daniel, and Maria Watson." Who were those people?

"What the fuck?! I ain't kill them niggas, they my peoples!" He tried to snatch away, but that just caused the officers to become more aggressive.

"O, what did you do?" I asked, my voice was stern, with a hint of weakness.

"I ain't do shit!" He yelled as the officers dragged him down the walkway. All of us stood bunched up in the doorway, watching our friend being shoved into the back of a squad car.

"Get me out this bitch!" O-Dog's muffled voice was heard from inside the car. The 4 of us didn't know what to say, we didn't do anything but just watched as the car made its way down tye street; flashing red and blue. As the sirens faded, my heart grew heavier.

"Damn, they got his ass." Caine said quietly, breaking the aad silence upon us.

"But did he do it?" Snoop asked him.

Caine hesitated for a second, as if he had a flashback, "Yeah. But I mean, shit, that was last summer when that happened. I thought the case was closed."

All of us sat there in silence, dwelling on the incidental scene that took place. We couldn't do anything but to just think - life finally caught up with him.

And that was the last I ever saw of him.