How Do U Want It?

xvi

"Okay Ebelle; it's been almost 2 weeks, can you cheer up just a little bit?" Faith said as her and Snoop took a seat across from me at the lunch table.

"No, a lotta bit." Snoop said as he snacked on some potato chips.

I stayed silent as I listened to them complain about my mood. After prom, I went into a downward spiral.

"Come on, say somethin'." Faith patted my hand that rested on the table.

"Somethin'." I said monotonously.

"She can talk? Wow." Snoop joked as he hit Faith in the arm.

I blew out a quick breath through my nose and shook my head slowly, "Y'all won't quit huh?"

"No, not until you start feelin' better." Faith pouted.

"You know, I was with Pac earlier, he was actin' the same way." Snoop said as he downed a coca cola.

"Don't even say his name." I groaned as I rested my chin in my hands.

"Come on, Bella. Cheer up." Snoop said as he ruffled my hair.

"I jus' wanna go home." I rolled my eyes.

"What did you do with the ring he gave you?" Faith glanced over at my hand.

"I kept it, its in my jewelry box on my dresser." I muttered to Faith.

I sucked my teeth and huffed, "Look, I'm skippin' the rest of today. I don't feel good." I grabbed my bookbag and got up from my seat.

As I walked across the lunchroom, I passed by Pac's table where he, Big, and a few other guys sat. Out the corner of my eye, I saw some of them turn their heads, including Tupac. It took everything in me not to turn my head and look back, I had to be strong. I had to act like I moved on.

I pushed the heavy door open into the hallway and made my way to the back entrance. Security were posted at the front, so in order for me to leave I had to go through the back.

Successfully exiting the school without being caught, I wasted no time in making my way home.

My mind was over flowed with thoughts of different nature. I didn't feel like being around anyone at the moment.

As I approached home, I was secretly hoping that Dre wasn't at the house, but I was too lazy to see if his car was in the back.

I opened the door and unfortunately for me, Dre was on the couch watching music videos.

"What are you doin' here kid?" He looked over his shoulder as I closed the door.

"I don't feel good Dre." I said as I kicked my shoes off and placed them to the side. "What's the matter?" Dre turned the tv down before turning to me.

"I just need a break." I muttered as I went up the stairs to my room.

I threw my bag on my bed and went over to my dresser. I grabbed my velvet blue jewelry box and went plopped on my bed. Sighing, I pulled the silver clip to open it, and there laid various bracelets and necklaces that I owned. But what stood out the most; my Sapphire blue ring and a few pictures from prom night.

I pulled out my ring and the Polaroid pictures from a few weeks ago.

I wish I could go back to this. All I wanted to do was blame Eazy, but I couldn't. I was dumb enough to let him take over my mind and let him control me. But he's manipulative at the same time.

As I stared at the pictures, I didn't realize I was crying until a tear drop fell on one of the pictures. I quickly wiped it away before lifting up each compartment in my jewelry box.

As I dug through the small box, I successfully found the hidden folded piece of paper. I unfolded it, and the familiar set of words made me smirk.

It was a poem that Tupac wrote for me for our 8 month anniversary.

Titled, 'Ebelle, it read:

You are the omega of my heart
The foundation for my conception of love
When I think of what a black woman should be
It's you that I first think of

You will never fully understand
How deeply my heart feels for you
I worry that we'll grow apart
And I'll end up losing you

You bring me to climax without sex
And you do it all with regal grace
You are my heart in human form
A love I could never replace

I jumped a little as I heard my door open, and Dre came in. "You ok?" He asked as he shut the door gently.

"Yeah, or at least I'm tryna be." I said before clearing my throat.

Dre sat on my bed and looked at the things that I had scattered around. "What's all this?"

"Keepsakes."

Dre picked up the thin sheet of paper in which my poem was on, and he scanned it for a few moments. "He wrote this? For you?"

"Yeah," I nodded as pursed my lips.

"Damn," he raised his eyebrows before picking up my ring, "You miss him huh?"

I simply but slowly nodded.

Dre placed the items back down before reaching over to give me a hug. "I'm sorry. This yo first break up, it's hard."

He let go, "But you can't be around here actin' like he died or somethin'. I can't have you bein' soft. You my Lil' homie." He smirked, making me giggle.

"Now look, I'm not the perfect boyfriend," his voice dropped a little, "but when I know its time to move on, I move on. Sometimes holdin' on hurts more than lettin' go." Dre rubbed my arm as he spoke.

I replayed his,statement in my head, 'Sometimes holding on hurts more than letting go.'

"I'm not tryna be no philosopher or no shit like that you feel me? But I can't have you mopin' around like this. Your dad would turn in his grave, he raised a strong young woman. Now it's up to me to make sure you become that. I love you Fat Belly." Dre placed a kiss at the top of my head and rose from his seat.

"I love you too," I said smiling. Dre was more than right. No matter how bad this hurts, I can't dwell on it. The more I let this sit on my mind, the more weary I got.

Immediately, I picked up the ring, the poem, and the pictures. I got up and opened my closet, reached to the top shelf with my tippy toes and placed everything there.

If these things are out of sight, they're out of mind.