My story, My mistakes, My broken Heart

Jan 9th, 2011

Dear journal,

I hate lying to Bryan, but I have to. He cant know that I am actually falling for Mike that would be bad. I mean I know Bryan is supportive, and he says that he will give Mike a chance, but I know Mike too, and somehow I just can't see Mike and Bryan getting along. They both need to feel like I would drop anything to help them and be there for them, they both want to be at the top of the list in my life, and they both mean the world to me. But really what concerns me is Mike wanting me to move in with him. Yes, I would have much better job oppertunities there, and I already have mu own room, but really move in with Mike, and still try to stay just friends. I really do need Bryan's advice. No I wont though, I want to do this one on my own I am tired of always relying on Bryan to save me it is time that I go out on my own and see if I can make it and if I screw up I screw up right.

What if Mike wants sex, I am not sure that I want to take that step with him. I never have before, yes my list of guys has been unique and each has served some sort of purpose in my life that still doesn't change that I am a virgin. I am not innocent by any means I just have never felt like it was the right guy yet. But is Mike? I would trust him, and I cant get pregnant at least how could a 20 year old who hasn't had a period in 2 years get pregnant. Maybe having sex with Mike might be okay, I mean someone has to be my first and he is one of the few people that I love and care about enough to not think that it would be a horrible idea. On the other hand though that would forever change our friendship, if I were to have sex with Mike there would be no going back, no longer would we just be friends. I know my self too I know I would want him to be mine. Would Mike be mine?

Always,

Bre