Forever Petrified Tmnt

Parting With Wise Words

Furia's Pov

I sat at the corner of the couch, hugging my knees. I had told everyone what had happened. That I had been the one to kill my mother. They told me that it wasn't my fault, I didn't know about the brain worm. That it was all self defense. 

But self defense is to stop others attacks and attack back but not to kill someone. No that isn't self defense, that's taking it to another level. 

I felt so terrible about the whole thing. Why couldn't I have known? 

I would cry again but I didn't have any tears left. I just felt depressed. Not numb but still in shock. It felt like it was a dream. Like it hadn't really happened. But the difference between a dream and reality is you can wake up from a dream and everything will be okay. In this case I won't wake up. My mom is really gone and it's all my fault. 

Reality is a terrible thing don't you think? You can't wake up and everything will be all okay. It's all real.

The funeral was scheduled to start soon. Of course it wasn't a real formal funeral. I wanted, no... I needed Splinter and the turtles to be able to attend. So we were having a funeral in the sewers. After going through the speeches and goodbyes we would flush her down the sewage system. 

Like a fish!

I can describe how livid it made me. No one should have a funeral like that, getting flushed down. Not even fish. 

But I guess it would have to do, even if it's not what I want. 

Personally I don't want a funeral at all. I want my mom to wake up and tell me it's all right. Even if she woke up and hated me it would be better than this. I want her alive.

I wish she was okay.

I wish I could have said something to my mom when she was dying but I hadn't, I was too choked up. I was going to regret that. I was regretting it now. I had so much to regret. My list was starting to get too long. I regret hurting my father and family when I left. I regret joining Shredder. I regret hurting Donnie. And I regret killing my mother and not saying anything as she died. The list could go on but those are the key points and it hurts. 

But I deserve this pain. It was my choice to stab her, I had been the one to hold the knife. No one was controlling me to stab my mother, no I did it all free will. Everyone keeps repeating the same thing, "It's not your fault, you didn't know." 

They're wrong. It was my fault. Even if I didn't know about the brainworm, it was my fault. I had been the one to clutch the knife and plunge it into my mother's heart. No child would be able to do that so easily like I had. Why had it come so easily? 

Was it because I was angry?

No. I wasn't angry enough to stab and put her to death. So why?

Suddenly I felt someone tap my shoulder, knocking me out of my depressing thoughts. I jumped, looking up to see Leo staring down at me. 

"It's time." He stated, offering a sad small. I didn't return it, I didn't even respond. I just stood up and walked to where the funeral was being held. I had no use for words. I didn't know what to say. What could I say? I had just killed my mother so that was the only thing I could think to talk about. And I definitely do not want to talk about it. They would respond with the same words, It's not your fault. 

As I walked into the dank sewer tunnel I could see everyone was already seated. I took the seat in the far back, away from everyone... and the casket. 

The funeral started as soon as I sat down. Splinter went through everything that you would for a funeral. I listened numbly, not taking any of it in. I didn't care. This couldn't really be happening, right? I couldn't really be sitting at my mother funeral, right?