Covert Affairs

Spring Break

I awoke with sweat dripping down my face and my breathing heavy. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest. It felt as if it could explode any minute now. The feeling of waking up from a nightmare never gets easier, but hiding the lasting effects of it definitely does. I don't want my family worrying about me, and living with roommates I have to learn not to make so much noise when I'm startled awake. Something that doesn't get easier is the constant state of exhaustion that I find myself in now. I'm getting maybe 4 or 5 hours of sleep a night, if I'm lucky.

I sighed loudly before rolling out of bed and heading to open the window. The cool summer breeze fills my room and I found the ability to breathe again. I closed my eyes and let the scent of the distant ocean and summer air fill my lungs. I felt my heart aching in my chest. I couldn't believe my dad wasn't here. Being at school it's easy to forget that he's missing. I can distract myself with other things, other people. But being home, I can feel the emptiness he left behind. I can't ignore his absence. He's gone. And there's nothing I can do to fill what's missing. I'm not closer to finding out what happened or where he is than I was nearly a year ago.

I knew this was going to happen the moment we went to the fair. He looked panicked. He looked on edge. He looked as if he was in danger. I don't know why they allowed him to go on this mission knowing that the Circle was after him. I know he said that he started this and now he has to finish it. But... I feel like there could've been someone else. And what does he even mean by that? He started this? How could he have even started this? None of this makes any sense and it's not like I've gotten any closer to getting information on the Circle. Besides, what could I even do if I did get information on this? Do I really expect to go after my dad against the strongest counter agency to ever exist with only 2 years of experience? If they took my father, who is reportedly one of the greatest spies of his generation, what do I really think the Circle would do with me? They would chew me up and spit me out. But what am I meant to do? Sit here and do nothing about it?

I don't know. I'm just confused and hurt and lost. I can't sit around and not try to help. He's my dad. He told me to get involved if there wasn't any option left. I think we're running out of options here quickly.

"I wish you were here to tell me what to do." I muttered holding on to the necklace he gave me. He's my northern star, I have to trust that he'll show me what to do even if he's not here to tell me exactly what to do. I have to trust my gut. With that I heard my front door open and close. I thought I was home alone. Mom's at work and Vanessa is spending the night out of town for a meeting so she won't be back again until tomorrow morning. There's no way the meeting is over. I walked over to my door and cracked it open. Before me stood a disheveled looking Jerry.

"Jerry, what? When did you get home?" I squealed, throwing myself into him. He squeezed my small waist.

"Ela." I heard Jerry's voice choke out and I immediately pulled out of the hug. I looked at his face and my smile vanished.

"Oh Jerry..." I placed a hand on his cheek before rubbing my thumbs under his red, tear streaked eyes. "What's wrong?" I asked gently.

"They... they have him." His voice cracked as a few more tears rolled down his face.

"Who has who?" I asked confused. I furiously tried to wipe all the tears from his face but they just kept coming. "Jerry, what's going on?"

"The Circle of Cavan has my dad." He choked out through gritted teeth.

"They what?" I coughed, as my eyes got wide. My hands halted in the air and I stumbled backwards in shock.

"They have my dad Ela!" He snapped angrily. Not angry at me, angry at them... at the world. I ran my fingers through my hair and started pacing while cursing in German. There's no way. So I really should've been concerned when those dots went missing on the board in Headmistress Morgan's office. "Ela? Are you ok?" He asked standing up.