love, ella [l.h]

sepember 2, 2013

dear luke,

so classes started today. i'm an english major, and it's pretty cool so far, but it's only been one day and i'm exhausted. british literature is my least favorite class at the moment, (and from my experience so far) literary interpretation is my favorite. college makes you feel independent, and i look at all of the people here, and i feel like i belong somewhere. i used to belong somewhere, but after you died, it wasn't my home anymore. i've turned people into homes and ended up homeless. back at home, there was nobody there to talk with or hang out with, except your parents but that's not what i'm talking about. my house was just empty, no laughter or happiness. it was depressing. i'm glad i'm here, it's a new start. no memories. i can make new ones, (even i wish i could be making new memories with you). maybe i can meet some more people. i want to be happy but i haven't been in 9 months. i've been better, and not depressed all the time, but i haven't been actually happy. calum made me feel less lonely (even though we've only hung out once), but i haven't felt true, genuine joy since january. i want that to change. i'm not completely moved on but i want to be that way soon. i pray that i will 100% okay soon. i really like it here and i'm really excited. my hand is aching, sorry for the horrible handwriting. i have a paper due on wednesday, today is monday by the way. i'll write in a couple days, or a couple weeks, depends on my assignments.
miss you luke

love, ella
_______
so i'm updating more frequently because i'm trying to hurry up and get closer to the end of the book (just fwi)
-Madison💓
THANKS FOR READING, ILY GUYS