love, ella [l.h]

january 22, 2013

dear luke,

you left so that you could be happy, but the extremely sad thing is, i thought that i had made you happy. i know that you love me but i just feel like i had been lied to all this time. i'm sorry but that's just how i feel.

they say that everything bad happens for good, but nothing good is coming out of this. either that or i just don't fucking see it.

in your suicide letter you said not to blame myself for your death, but i can't help but feel as if it's true. that i'm one of the reasons you're dead. if i made you happier, or was maybe prettier, or just knew about what you were going through. i'm a wreck of a person but i loved you with everything that i had, but it wasn't enough was it? that's the words i've been using this past week, not enough, or wasn't enough.

i miss you luke.

love, ella