love, ella [l.h]

march 31 2013

dear luke,

so i think i'm just going to write each letter once, around the end of each month. i know this probably isn't healthy, writing letters to you because it keeps hurting me even more. every time i write a letter i'm a mess by the end of it. you could probably tell by the tear drop stains on all of them.

i think i might be going insane. i can't ever think straight. school is a living hell because people always try to talk to me. that should be good, but i don't want their pity. i wrote about this month ago. i wish that no one talked to me, i wish i was invisible again. i'm better when i have no one, but you're the only exception luke. i'm so happy when i'm with you and you always being there with me made my life so much better. i thought i was the one who got sad sometimes and i thought you were the happy one always making me feel better. you told me all of these loving and reassuring words that you probably wanted to hear. why didn't i tell you those words? if only i could've known and i could've saved you.

you always saved me,
why didn't you let me save you?

love, ella