Do you even know?

Why Am I So Weak

Two nights in a row.

Why am I so weak?

I hadn't done it in a good few months.

Now I don't think I even want to stop.

This pain is something I've missed

Something that I hate

I feel like I need someone

But I don't want some on at the same time

As the metal touches my skin I feel disappointment

I feel pain

I feel lost

I feel found

How is that possible?

But as for my reasons,

I can't keep love out of the equation with anyone

I can't help but love the one who has hurt me the most.

I talk like I hate them,

As if I could live perfectly fine with out them

But, I came to realize that I still love them

When I saw a message from them pop up

My heart dropped

I felt relief

I felt regret

I felt love

Nothing can be this conflicting

So why is it?