Do you even know?

Trying again

Back together?

It feels weird to say

I have my doubts

I'm scared he's gonna leave again

Or hurt me more

My trust it not fully restored

And he hasn't changed one bit

But that's not entirely bad

By not changing I mean...

He still apologizes, 

He still says yes ma'm when I tell him to something

He still just wants to hold me...

That's the things I missed the most

But because he hasn't changed am I gonna get hurt again

I know his purpose is good 

He means well

But what if I'm making a mistake

Thats whats been running through my head

When I saw him yesterday

The first time in almost a year

He hugged me so tight,

As if he was scared to let go

As if he was nervous that I wouldn't stay 

As if he'd hurt me again....

I was so scared before he broke up with me

Scared that I wouldn't be able to hold on to him and love him 

Scared that he had stopped loving me

Scared that he didn't care anymore

I told my self so many bad things about him

I told myself he was such a horrible person

I was trying to move on

But when I tried I failed, 

He was always in the back of my mind

When i had him in my arms playing with his hair I thought one thing

"I have my baby back."

"I have my happiness back"

It makes me sound like a sad teenager who got her heart broken 

Convinced I'd merry him

But that's not why

I am a teenage girl, yes

But when he left my life got worse

Nothing made it better

Nothing improved

I was my own worst enemy....

But now he's back

And I hope he's here to stay.