Ello bitches of Earth.
(Reference none of you will get. I bet.)
It is moi. The ever so amazing and not pompous Kade Hearts. Yes, I've made it a 'K' instead of 'C' but who's counting? That's right, me! And no one else!
Naw, JK.
But anyways, I'm here.
And it's time for me to take . . . drumroll please. . .
[ spotlight shines on a figure sitting at a drum-set]
[ tanner from FTR starts drumming like there's no tomorrow ]
Me: AND . . . CEASE!
[he glares]
[ kade smiles fakely and kicks him off the stage . . . with her butt]
Me: . . . requests!
[ vincent starts playing the gutair; spotlight shines on all the boys.]
[ tanner's back on stage, drumming with one hand and holding ice pack to his head ]
[ riley and scott are singing lyrics . . . which is basically everything kade is saying said in a beautiful singing voice ]
[ arthur's kicking ass on piano/bass/idgaf ]
Me: So yeah, I've been inspired to ask you guys what stories I should rant about! Just PM the link (or comment but I don't want the author's feelings to get hurt . . . HAHAHA . . . seriously) and I'll do every single last one no matter how much it hurts my eyes!
Riley: (in his awesome Spanish accent) And don't worry about her enduring pain; did you read the last story she reviewed?
Tanner: (leans against Riley) Yeah, man. Send those requests today and Kade will try her best to humor you. . . like the bitch she is . . . (mutters)
Me: WTF DID YOU JUST SAY, BOY?! DID YOU FORGET I HAVE THE POWER TO LITERALLY RID OF YOUR EXISTENCE!
Riley: (to Tanner) Why are you leaning on me?
[ scott belts out lyrics from "Lean on Me" ]
Tanner: Because I don't want to fall. Kade's ass kicked me off the stage! With her ass!
Arthur: Why are we friends?
Tanner: Cause Kade made us.
Me: KADE?! DO I HAVE TO BE BLAMED FOR ALL THE SHIT AROUND HERE?! (eye twitching)
Riley: Uh. . . pretty much . . .
[ everything skyrockets. things are thrown and people are cussing and shit.]
[ vincent slids onto the front of the stage as the curtain slowly goes down]
Vincent: Aren't we fucked up, everybody? Yes, yes, we know. I blame Kade.
Me: SON OF A B-
Vincent: PM REQUESTS. VOTE. COMMENT. LOVE MY FANS. (looks and sees Kade approaching with a baseball bat) SHIT! (flees)
Scott: (waving) Wonder who's going to clean all this up?
Me: Okay, right now. At this moment. In this fucking second-
Everyone: KADE!
Me: Alright, alright . . . THE END!
Random voice: AND . . . SCENE!
Riley: Who the fuck said that?
[ curtain closes ]
Don't ask because I don't know. Intentionally, I only wanted to use Tanner as a drummer for that brief moment and this occurred! I always wanted to fuck around in a chapter with my characters. I think I'll do it more often in this rant book. ;)
But you get the point, yes?
Tanner: No they don't.
Me: EWW! TANNER! GET AWAY! (shoots him)
Anyways, before I was interrupted. . . cue glaring at Tanner's dead body . . . I want your requests. Any story. Horror. Romance. Humor. Action. Anything! Just PM or comment and I will do every single one and give you a dediction! Give me any request you want!
[ spots vodka ]
Me: Ooh, vodka!
Tanner: WHERE?!
Me: STAY DEAD, MOFO!
[ shoots him again ]
ze end. finally.
p.s: i love all my FTR guys equally. tanner is just easy to tease. ;D
does this make you want to read For the Record? Well, don't. Cause I've failed to update in months.
OKAYSERIOUSENDINGNOW.
ALL FLAMES WILL BE USED TO MAKE MY S'MORES THAT I WON'T SHARE! ALL PISSY COMMENTS WILL BE USED TO DUNK IN MY TOILET! ANY QUESTIONS THAT DON'T INVOLVE THE TWO?
YOU ARE READING
raucous rants
Humordisclaimer: i wrote in this when i was 13 years old, so it will be unfunny, cringy, and outlandish. that's just who i am baby. you have been warned.
